Betrayed

“Eli Eli, lama sabachthani?”

Matt 27:46

“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? Why are You so far from helping Me, and from the words of My groaning? O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear; And in the night season, and am not silent. But You are holy, who inhabit the praises of Israel. Our fathers trusted in You; They trusted, and You delivered them. They cried to You, and were delivered; They trusted in You, and were not ashamed. But I am a worm, and no man; A reproach of men and despised of people. All those who see Me laugh Me to scorn; they shoot out the lip, they shake the head saying, 'He trusted in the LORD, let Him rescue Him; Let Him deliver Him since He delights in Him!

But you are He who took Me out of the womb; You made Me trust when I was on my mother's breasts. I was cast upon You from birth. From My mother's womb You have been My God. Be not far from Me, for trouble is near; for there is none to help.

Many bulls have surrounded Me; strong bulls of Bashan have encircled Me. They gape at Me with their mouths as a raging and roaring lion.

I am poured out like water, and all My bones are out of joint; My heart is like wax; it has melted within Me. My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and My tongue clings to My jaws; You have brought Me to the dust of death. For dogs have surrounded Me; the assembly of the wicked has enclosed Me. They pierced My hands and My feet; I cant count all My bones. They look and stare at Me. They divide My garments among them, and for My clothing they cast lots....”

Psalm 22

“Who has believed our report? And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed? For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant, ,and as a root out of dry ground. He has no form or comeliness; and when we see Him, there is not beauty that we should desire Him. He is despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, ,He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him. And by His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth...”

Isaiah 53

“A voice was heard in Ramah, ,lamentation and bitter weeping, Rachel weeping for her children, refusing to be comforted for her children, because they are no more.”

Jeremiah 31:15

“Now the chief priests, the elders, and all the council sought false testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none. Even though many false witnesses came forward, they found none. But at last two false witnesses came forward and said, “This fellow said 'I am able to destroy the temple of God and to build it in three days.' And the high priest arose and said to Him, 'Do you answer nothing? What is it that these men testify against you?'

But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, 'I adjure You by the living God that You tell us if You are the Christ the Son of God.'

Jesus said to him, “It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven.'

Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying 'He has spoken blasphemy! What farther need do we have of witnesses? Look now you have heard His blasphemy! What do you think?' They answered and said, 'He is deserving of death.' Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands, saying 'Prophesy to us, Christ! Who is the one who struck You?'

Matt 26

“Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders saying, 'I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.'”....

“Pilate said to them, 'What then shall I do with Jesus who is called Christ?' They all said to him, “Let Him be crucified!' Then the governor said, 'Why, what evil has He done?' But they cried out all the more saying, 'Let Him be crucified!'

When Pilate saw that he could not prevail at all, but rather that a tumult was rising, he took water and washed his hands before the multitude saying, 'I am innocent of the blood of this just Person. You see to it.' And the people answered and said, 'His blood be on us and on our children.'”.....

And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split, and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many. Now when the centurion and those with him saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they feared greatly, saying 'Truly this was the Son of God!'

Matt 27

“Then Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'”

Luke 23

“So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, 'It is finished.' And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.”

John 19

Vinegar (, ozos) = 400 = Tav ()

Btown wid da Provi and Haven

Yo.

Ya miss me?

Well...... I'm back! Shadazzle badazzle.

Heh. You prollie were clicking on your bookmarked slot of me, impatiently awaiting news. From me. :) Of course, of course. I don't want to disappoint you either. So in brief:

Boston was wonderful.

I walked the Freedom Trail. I crossed over the Charles river. I went through Boston's own China town, and Lil Italy. (ITALIANS!!!!) The buildings are wondeful. I walked the millionaire strip on Common Wealth Street. The houses were connected. I mean, not one single side yard. Ya think rich peeps could afford a lil green...?

The people? Like, oh my goodness. At first, I swear everyone was yelling at me, and angry about somethin. I was terrified of the bus drivers. But then, I realized, it was their charm. Tough love, really. And it is quite appealing. Genuine. And the Italians were just as they were when I last left them. Oh, so charming. It makes me proud to own 1/16^th of their blood. Errr. My blood. Friendly, and blunt. I remember when Mom and i were visiting Imran at MIT when a older gentlemen who only spoke Italian, offered us all lemonade –free—from his store. And we tried to sepak with him, but we all just laughed at each other and made gestures. It was very cute.

Amy, my roomie, and I were walking down the street to buy ice cream, and we got honked at. And on our way back we got whisteled at.....Hmmmm....I think it was cuz I was wearing my red jumpers, and my flaming red wooler coat. I looked like a Communist. ;)

Nah, it was really cuz I'm drop dead gorgeous. Of course.

Oh, did I mention what the blazzins we were doing in Boston? Yes, well. We, were visiting grad schools (med schools). Our first stop was Yale. I was lookin so forward to it, and was quite disappointed. But Havad! Havad was great, and Brown was best of all! I got to interrogate professors, doctors, etc, in public health depts. And med schools. Yes. Indeed. But Yale is in new Haven, and Brown in Providence. So I actually was in 3 states in the course of 3 days.

A NOTE to my fans (i miss you all!):

• Smars: So yes, was in Btown. Got pictures. Must get developed, no digital, sorrs.

• Sooms: I can't wait to spend our last term togethe! We need to patie it up yo! (if you're wondering where all the “r's “ are, well, ,Boston took them away from me)

• Rashi and Edaeni: Ladies, well, things didn't work out, cuz i didn't have internet access till now, and well, didn't get your number till now...you at home now, ,though? look forward to hearing about your adventures in NYC

• Erica: I'm glad you enjoyed my last post. You are such a light too, i read your posts as well..:) See you soon!

• My lover who is secretly in love with me, and who reads my posts all the time, waiting to hear from me, but who hasn't revealed his true feelings: Ahhhh.....Someday. Someday....But it better be soon.I got 10 men waiting outside my door, all asking for my hand in marrige. So be quick with it. ;)

Okay. SO theres more. And perhaps I shall indulge in this writing again, ,but not till I hit the campus again. Unless I find myself a bit bored. Oh, My comps have been scheudled for the 22, I think. April 22^nd. Is that enuf time, or is that too much time? I'm asking myself this as I write. Hmmmmm......But pictures are forthcoming. Boston, end of term, etc.

lub a dub dub. Thump thump.

Winter Bliss

Last year, during winter finals, Imran and I chuckled away at the thought of up and leaving Carleton. We thought we'd make the headlines, with that, “Two Babars Leave Carleton College Without as Much As a Goodbye”. Heh. The dude was insane; I mean he did his comps in like two weeks, while trucking it all over the US, flirting with grad schools. And during finals, he didn't get any sleep. He was like the stinkin energizer bunny, wearing the same army pants for weeks, only changing into a suit when he had his interviews. That would have been funny i fhe had kept his cave man beard, and worn those pants to Harvard. He actually threatened to do this.

This year; I followed the Babar routine by waiting to the last minute to write comps, and man was it fun! I mean, going to bed at 3 or 4 in da morning for almost 2 weeks straight really gets ya high! Seriously, i'm either terrible to be around when i don't get my precious 7 hours, or incredibly loonie. If you had seen me at these hours you would have thought I was smokin somethin, or tipsy. But I don't smoke. And I don't drink. But you think us Babars would have our priorities straight, I mean, you have to pass comps to graduate...What's wrong with us?

And my advisor, bless her sweet soul, criticized my intro, saying I was too dramatic...TOO dramatic?!?!?! man, it was the only place i felt i could spice things up a bit. Bio writing is dreadfully drab. Dude, my comps was on the BLACK DEATH. You got to be dramatic!!!! and i din't change the intro either, after i had handed in my draft and got her feedback. I hope she isn't angry. Oh well. She only has the power to fail me.

Finals last term, rather, three to five, or some odd days ago, I had the most bizarre time: I had to write ONE paper with 5 whole stinkin days to do it!!!! i mean, i was goin nuts! Never had it that easy, usually i'm so fried, i can't speak. Now you can't shut me up. Last term, i had to make up for 5 weeks of not reading anythin for my biochem class 3 days before the test, not having thought of a thesis for my Arab-Israeli class till I sat in front of a computer screen three days before it was due (shoot, for the life of me, i can't recall what the heck my thesis for that paper was? Come on neurons, keep up with my fingers..i do recall writing about coon trappn in it, though, ask me later), and i think i had a test for that class too. Dude, anywho, i crammed so many biochem proteins, functions, cycles in my brain in such a short time, i deserve a purple medal. Unfurtionally, don't recall what LDH was....i feel like i should know.

Today was bliss, too.

I woke up at 11 am, stumbled out of bed, ate scrumptious breakfast, ,watched two movies in a row, still in pjs, didn't comb my hair the whole day, READ a book for fun, ate cake, ate turkey, googled, sigh....ah, such a good feeling, this whole break biz. And on Saturday, I get to go to Boston!! again! So cool. Last time, I visited snarms at MIT, but I didn't get time to chill...Well, i'm not chillin really, just visitn grad schools.....yep.

AND Rashi and Edaeni, you are prollie having a blast in NY, so cool. Lil Italy!?!?!? i want to come! And shop....i feel like i want to but a neon green shirt, or pants, or hat, or socks....ah, shopping!

Wow this is a long entry. Ah, my beloved committed fan, you made it all the way through.

But we aint done yet.

Sum of this term:

• Me and Mike (Mike who, you ask?) are going to get engaged if he doesn't get in to med school and i don't get in to grad school. (heh heh, Mike, you poor sucker!! he had no idea of this, of course..)

• I asked Leslie one day: “Leslie, how do you sleep at night with all those rocks on your shoulders?” i believe i could sell that pick up line...i'm going to get it patented (is that the right word?)

• i took out sugar plums car battery, and walked it downtown to get it charged and thawed with Rashi

• imran's saturn (restiing in my care) was towed and ticketed...i learned that the police aren't in the police department on Saturdays in Northfield...they are “on call”. But anywho, i go out to start up the car, and notice its gone....”AH!!!” i said to myself. (you guys all recall my silly paranoia about waking up one day, to walk out where i parked my car, to discover it having been stolen? I have this feeling every time i forget where i parked it)anywho, i call the police dept, realizing that it must have been towed, , cuz people in northfeild dont' know how to steal cars (unlike Willow Riverans). And the dude on the phone goes, “well, mam, we don't seem to have towed your car”. I was like, “dude, you betta have my car!!!” my lil big heart pumped like 10 gallons in that one minute while he kept searching, and he did find it. I was so thankful, i woke up Eric.poor Eric, I'm sorry, ,i know it was Saturday, but THANK you so very much for driving me all around town trying to get Saturn back, and for that one time you were such a gentleman and helped me with suga plums battery in the snow on your way to class.

• i worked out

• i sang

• i got the giggles during a presentation I was giving, when i noticed someone casually conked out while one of my partners was talking about personal law

• i decided i really like John, my oncogenes prof, whose wife can cook a mean salmon...speaking of John, so me and Joe and Lincoln thought it would be funny if I, while explainin the meaning of a figure in a cancer paper, actually explained it wrong, to see if anyone was payin attention....so, we got John in on this, ,telling him not to say anything—cuz of course, he listens and critiques us.....so, while explaining the figure on cancer cells, i slip in 'SPH transfected neurons', and precede to explain the exact opposite of what the graph meant—even saying, “as you can see, the slope goes up (when it went down)thus proving their theory wrong (when it was right)...and John gasps, “neurons!!!” so he ruined it. And he had totally forgotten our deal we had conspired two minutes before. And then i couldn't stop laffin, so it really blew the cover. Silly biochem profs, who write textbooks...

• i'm going to bed now. I'll continue this lovely entry tomorrow. Or not. We'll see.

Raindrops

IT was one of the cutest things I've heard.
I was walking out of a building.
I smiled at this stranger, and he walked by, then walked back, and said,
"honey, if I were rich, I'd sweep you off your feet." I was a bit shocked, all I could do was smile back; if I could blush, I would have been blushing.
Okay, okay. It sounds cheesy. But he was genuine. I mean, he seemed genuine.
I don't think I'll ever forget that one. Just another memory, that's all.

On another note. I am trying to reflect on another term finished. It is 2 am, and the sun has set on my winter. I have turned in my comps, I have one final paper to punch out, and then I'm done. 5 whole days to write a paper!!!!! I hope I will use my time wisely. We'll see. I'm trying to figure out where this day will bring me.

What then, will I see it again? Oh time, you are such an enemy of mine!

sheepies
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run snarmi run!
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azra baji's wedding
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my backyard in the summer
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american born confused pakistani cherokee mohawk french bengali italian swede
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sunshine
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time eclipse
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Wings to Fly

"time on wings will take its flight, and leave our dreams transcending."

Here it is folks. It seems I have nothing but reminescence to offer. There I was, this young, innocent creature, ready to start something big. There's even something gleaming in my eyes. Mischief, laughter, and excitement.
(explanation: its a photo id taken on my first day at carleton--as a froshling)

I broke my id card, and had to go get a new one. and then i had to get a new picture. Yep. its like a before and after shot. i wish i could show you the change. my eyes are tired, have lost their excitement. is it just because its winter? sigh.

what have these four years done to me?

SOREN in the sky, like a diamond

This entry is dedicated to my brilliant buddy Soren, who is going to give me one of his acceptance letters to grad school, preferably Harvard, and allow me to compose a refusal of acceptance letter, in order to open up a spot for yours truly. Soren, my soaring diamond, let me extend my sincere apologies for not gracing you with my companionship to the hockey game. I had a hot date with Yersinia. But, I have broken up with Yersinia, Yersinia smells like Rattus rattus. I have pleaded with Yersinia to mutate and become independent of Rattus rattus, and, alas, I know now where Yersinia's truest affections lie. Xenopsylla cheopis and Rattus rattus have stolen Yersinia from me forever. I have now secretly alligned with Anti-envelope antibodies (F1), and together we will opsonize India, allowing Mr. Macrophage to phagocytosis Yersinia.

To be continued......

clarifications

okay, due to popular opinion, i should prollie clarify.

the last entry, tide is turning......
there are three sections. the first and last section are related, the middle has nothing to do with either of these. the middle section: the girl is not me, nor is the other guy involved with the girl. and the girl is not you.

the last section is a dream. the rest is real.

Tides are Turning....

I hear the sound of a wave of salty ocean spray and it is about to splash itself upon me.

I'm not sure if I can let go of my fear. Should I run?

Dear God, do not let my friend disappear within herself. Open the door for her, and call her in. Oh God, her life is so precious. When she hurts, it kills me. I can still see him, with a gun, his eyes glazed over with loss of life. I prayed God that you would stop him, I prayed with all my heart. For God, it was only You who could do this, I could do nothing. You were there where ever his feet took him, and I knew I could not be with him always--like You-- I could only pray. How I hated those who broke him to this point. But You, oh God, You have always proved Your faithfullness. And now, she is fighting. I am helpless to soothe her pain. God, take her heart and heal her wounds. Save her too, from those that would take from her the Joy which she deserves.

We are in this place together not by accident. I have met you for a reason.

I remember. We were sitting on this park bench, the sounds of children playing, and we looked out towards the setting sun. And I turned to you, and asked you where it went when it set, and you smiled. Our house was made of bricks, and red roses surrounded it. The sounds of ocean were no longer feared. I have dreamt of this.

MidWinterBall
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My friend Smars (Samara)

If you--as my devoted tigerlily7 fan--happened to look at my entry on Joy, you might have noticed a lack of love...er...rather, any mention of V-day. Hmmmmm....I do have some thoughts. really. I do. but for now, in the interest of saving time, go visit Smars' blog...she's my dear friend. i don't know how this works, but lets' see if i can dot he HTML thing http://orwhathaveyou.blogspot.com/

Joy

"Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy. A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for jot that a human being has been born into the world. Therefore, you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you. And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. Until now, you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full..."~John 16:20-24

I have no idea why, but I was having a dreadful day on Sunday. I was not looking forward to Monday, and I was behind on comps. BUT then, I talked to my younger brother, Hammad--and he made my day worth it. I decided that no matter what happened on Monday, I would have that joy from talking with him. AND then, I got some...sigh...bad news...the next day....Okay, so I got rejected from U of Pitts. It ALMOST ruined my day. I was seriuosly on the verge of tears in class (actually, they were brimmin full). Ha, it was funny, because in class we were talking about desire, and relationships, and I was desparately trying not to cry (i had read the reject letter like right before class) so if someone saw me, they would have thought I was crying about the discussion! heh. On a side note, I was quite disappointed--to say the least--about our conclusion in class--that love doesn't overcome certain things. Baloney squaggle! let me tell you about what Paul says to the Corinthians! I may be naive, a bit too much of a romantic, but LOVE does conquer! I must believe this, I owe it to my mother. Anyway, so I was upset, right, and I moped around all day....Took this pity nap, and then, ANOTHER blessing---I got to talk to both Abdullah and Omaimah! my younger sibs who i haven't talked to in.....too long! I miss them so much. OH I wish I could see them! they've grown up, and are doing awesome things. such smart sibs i have. i know Paul would rebuke me, but I am SO proud of my brothers and sisters!

Okay, so, it doesn't end there.
Worship was great that night, but the next day, that would be today, IMRAN called!! total excitement! Imran, I miss you sooooooo much, you have no idea.....thank you for your prayers. and i am praying for you.

Then i get this other phone call about a job offer....YES. indeed, if I accept, which I haven't yet, I will be teaching both an Infectious Diseases course and Pre-Medical course either at Wellesley or Yale this summer!!!! Totally awesome.
So the take home message: I was quite sad for a moment--in much despair--and it was over just like that. This Saturday, I had prayed for encouragement, and I received it. God is so good to me!

I just got back from this induction ceremony....sigma xi....and i am so stuffed on cheese cake. anyway, so i'm gonna go back to my draft writing.....bleh, me want to watch a movie....:)

edit edit

I do love my friends! You are all such a comfort and a blessing to me! Cheryl—you are amazing, and you bless me with your kind words. Edaeni, you always encourage me to think differently, and I gain so much from your insights. Rashi—we share so much, our struggles (shyness!), our lows and highs. Smars—your strength and humor, and directness. Nakina—your beauty, and persistence, and determination. Kilang and Priyanka—your dedication, your leadership, your boldness, your kindness. Leslie—your forgiveness, and strength. Josh—your hugs, your voice. Tyler—your tickles and cookies! Sooms—your songs, and passion. Oh, and I could go on.
You bring me back to goodness. There is so much of it in you.

And, with that, I need to do some study on goodness. It is my topic this week. Teaching on goodness. Come to sola script!

FASHION show! (heh, i stole your picture Rashi!!!!) Nakina, Samara, Edaeni, Me, Rashika
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