the libe
Joe O and me, on my way home to Davis
the great Kampa, Stephen that is, and me at graduation...quick, take a picture, it stopped raining!
Friday, September 16, 2005
Carleton.....
the libe
Joe O and me, on my way home to Davis
the great Kampa, Stephen that is, and me at graduation...quick, take a picture, it stopped raining!
Carleton.....
Jason and Edaeni at late night breakfast, winter term 05
Blake, Imran, and Jon jammin' in the cave before Musta' seed
lovely ladies
Carleton.....
A Filipino bamboo stick dance: international festival....go Mingmer and Kils!
Rashi and Jianye at the international festival
Love and Peter doing an African dance
Carleton
Edaeni and me at Rashi's orchestra concert---devoted cello fans
Day after Graduation goodbye....
Banks n Me
Monday, September 12, 2005
gRADuATion
Lil Fricke and Me
That's Dr. Karim and I.
me and the gals: LaShell, Smars, and Nakina!
David Derksen and me
that's Mike and me
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
the certainty of certain things
You already know this is going to be a long post. You've been sniffing. And, well, now it is here.
***
The thing I like most about blogs is that I can say whatever I want, and you have to listen.
***
Actually, you're probablly not even really reading this. That's what makes it even more exciting.
You see, this is for me. Not you.
***
Postgraduation, I have not had time to reflect. But now, sitting in the fireplace family room of my sister's newly bought home, I have just that time.
And do you know what I've been reflecting on, of all stinking topics???!???!
Politics.
I am a biology major. I'm from rural Minnesota. I was raised on a farm by two wolves.
And when I get to thinking, and reflecting on the sorts, it's politics. what has gone wrong with me?
perhaps it was the staring into the sun when i was little, and too young to know the difference between a repub and a dem, that really did it. did i ever tell you that when i was a munchkin, I thought I was being watched by aliens? I'm serious. I was convinced that aliens were out there, recording every move I made. I thought I was fascinating. At one point, I was also convinced that I could fly. Yep. You heard me right. One day I will, too, just you wait. you see, most kids today are messed up. they have cell phones. they have ipods. they have computers the size of my thumb. no imagination these young grasshoppers. heh, it is quite funny indeed, that i stand (errr..sitting as it were) before you now, a 22 year old, giggling over her photo cell phone. wow. those lil explo kids made fun of me, not having a cell phone...well, now look at me! dare you laugh at me now, you frog hoppers!
Okay, so where was I?
Yes. My reflecting.
So there I was. It was the day after. The day after being November 3rd, 2004. I was sitting in a room with a bunch of poli sci geeks in my Arab-Israeli conflict class. And the effects were so great, that Professor Sampson decided to scratch his lecutre to discuss the election, while sitting down, wearily in a chair--he never sat when he lectured. Prof. Sampson was a smart man to do this. In my biochem class the hours before, my professor didn't say squat about the thing that seemed to be most important. NOt even a word about the election. err...maybe she did. but i wasn't listening.
What was I thinking at that very moment I walked into class?
I remembered something quite spooky. It was a deja vu moment. It must have been the feeling of Sept 13th, 2001. I was sitting in the same seat, in the same classroom, as a freshman, listening to Prof. Bashir talk about how during a crisis, people flock to a sacred place. That being, of course, the chapel. We had had a memorial service for 9/11. In the chapel.
The election had seemed to hit my classmates more than 9/11 did. That was the weird thing. People were hung over in depression. I almost cried. Yes. In class.
Just this memory, the memory of their sadness, almost makes me swallow the words that are about to follow.
If I recall correctly, a student from the south bitterly retorted that it was the "recruitment of rural votes" that won the ignorance of this nation. The irony of it all. heh. democrats fighting furiously to help the farmers, the poverty stricken, the minorities, the precious trees. and these uneducated 'fools' all voted republican. i almost laughed through my choked up throat. the irony of ironies. and the unspoken of unspokens.
It seemed as if the accusations were toward the barbaric, the uneducated, the ones who know nothing of the world schemes, relations, wars. Of course not, if they knew anything--if they only knew better-- why would they vote republican? All you have to do is mention two triggering words, and these fools will vote for a fool. And what is it that has been unspoken? Should the uneducated be banned from voting? The educated, of course, are those who are liberal. Progressive. Thus, those who vote otherwise are not educated. And who are the uneducated? The poor? the ones who farm, because they can not be doctors? What is it that we are saying????
And the democrats are baffled. Why was the election lost to a man who has declared war? Intolerant is what he is.
I can not help but defend those farmers who are so easily dismissed as uneducated. I'd like to see just one preppie college kid stand their ground in the country.
You dig up a garden with your soft, mushy, pencil scarred hands. Brilliant is what they are. Bloody brilliant.
Perhaps I'm exaggerating a bit. I get a bit carried away. .
At any rate, the accusations were not just directed at the farmers, the rural people. The crazy Christians with their fundamental schemes and agendas. Yes, it was their crazy tactics. And their prolife confusion. "the haters"
I charge you to figure it out. A challenge above all challenges. Get outside of yourself for just one minute. Your democratic or republican views. And ponder the reality. Are these fools really afer something? Are they wrong?
I was once a democrat. I was in sixth grade, and my mom took me to the DFL meetings--huge gatherings, with lots of food, and crazy passionate speeches that were full of baloney squaggle. I even stood with a group of African American protestors on national television, to filabust something or another. My experience was quite fun. Really.
Carleton done changed me. Yes. Changed changed changed. All I know of democrats now are those who complain. If there is one consistent thing about democrats, or at least the ones i've run into, is that they never cease to complain.
Save if for Oprah.
Good riddens.
I need to stop. I apologize. For what? For all of it. "You don't go and slap someone, and then apologize. Get some backbone."
I really shouldn't rant on something I know absolutely nothing about. politics? heh.
***
The thing I like most about blogs is that I can say whatever I want, and you have to listen.
***
Actually, you're probablly not even really reading this. That's what makes it even more exciting.
You see, this is for me. Not you.
***
Postgraduation, I have not had time to reflect. But now, sitting in the fireplace family room of my sister's newly bought home, I have just that time.
And do you know what I've been reflecting on, of all stinking topics???!???!
Politics.
I am a biology major. I'm from rural Minnesota. I was raised on a farm by two wolves.
And when I get to thinking, and reflecting on the sorts, it's politics. what has gone wrong with me?
perhaps it was the staring into the sun when i was little, and too young to know the difference between a repub and a dem, that really did it. did i ever tell you that when i was a munchkin, I thought I was being watched by aliens? I'm serious. I was convinced that aliens were out there, recording every move I made. I thought I was fascinating. At one point, I was also convinced that I could fly. Yep. You heard me right. One day I will, too, just you wait. you see, most kids today are messed up. they have cell phones. they have ipods. they have computers the size of my thumb. no imagination these young grasshoppers. heh, it is quite funny indeed, that i stand (errr..sitting as it were) before you now, a 22 year old, giggling over her photo cell phone. wow. those lil explo kids made fun of me, not having a cell phone...well, now look at me! dare you laugh at me now, you frog hoppers!
Okay, so where was I?
Yes. My reflecting.
So there I was. It was the day after. The day after being November 3rd, 2004. I was sitting in a room with a bunch of poli sci geeks in my Arab-Israeli conflict class. And the effects were so great, that Professor Sampson decided to scratch his lecutre to discuss the election, while sitting down, wearily in a chair--he never sat when he lectured. Prof. Sampson was a smart man to do this. In my biochem class the hours before, my professor didn't say squat about the thing that seemed to be most important. NOt even a word about the election. err...maybe she did. but i wasn't listening.
What was I thinking at that very moment I walked into class?
I remembered something quite spooky. It was a deja vu moment. It must have been the feeling of Sept 13th, 2001. I was sitting in the same seat, in the same classroom, as a freshman, listening to Prof. Bashir talk about how during a crisis, people flock to a sacred place. That being, of course, the chapel. We had had a memorial service for 9/11. In the chapel.
The election had seemed to hit my classmates more than 9/11 did. That was the weird thing. People were hung over in depression. I almost cried. Yes. In class.
Just this memory, the memory of their sadness, almost makes me swallow the words that are about to follow.
If I recall correctly, a student from the south bitterly retorted that it was the "recruitment of rural votes" that won the ignorance of this nation. The irony of it all. heh. democrats fighting furiously to help the farmers, the poverty stricken, the minorities, the precious trees. and these uneducated 'fools' all voted republican. i almost laughed through my choked up throat. the irony of ironies. and the unspoken of unspokens.
It seemed as if the accusations were toward the barbaric, the uneducated, the ones who know nothing of the world schemes, relations, wars. Of course not, if they knew anything--if they only knew better-- why would they vote republican? All you have to do is mention two triggering words, and these fools will vote for a fool. And what is it that has been unspoken? Should the uneducated be banned from voting? The educated, of course, are those who are liberal. Progressive. Thus, those who vote otherwise are not educated. And who are the uneducated? The poor? the ones who farm, because they can not be doctors? What is it that we are saying????
And the democrats are baffled. Why was the election lost to a man who has declared war? Intolerant is what he is.
I can not help but defend those farmers who are so easily dismissed as uneducated. I'd like to see just one preppie college kid stand their ground in the country.
You dig up a garden with your soft, mushy, pencil scarred hands. Brilliant is what they are. Bloody brilliant.
Perhaps I'm exaggerating a bit. I get a bit carried away. .
At any rate, the accusations were not just directed at the farmers, the rural people. The crazy Christians with their fundamental schemes and agendas. Yes, it was their crazy tactics. And their prolife confusion. "the haters"
I charge you to figure it out. A challenge above all challenges. Get outside of yourself for just one minute. Your democratic or republican views. And ponder the reality. Are these fools really afer something? Are they wrong?
I was once a democrat. I was in sixth grade, and my mom took me to the DFL meetings--huge gatherings, with lots of food, and crazy passionate speeches that were full of baloney squaggle. I even stood with a group of African American protestors on national television, to filabust something or another. My experience was quite fun. Really.
Carleton done changed me. Yes. Changed changed changed. All I know of democrats now are those who complain. If there is one consistent thing about democrats, or at least the ones i've run into, is that they never cease to complain.
Save if for Oprah.
Good riddens.
I need to stop. I apologize. For what? For all of it. "You don't go and slap someone, and then apologize. Get some backbone."
I really shouldn't rant on something I know absolutely nothing about. politics? heh.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
to do list
1. get a job...
2. get a car...
3. get a cell phone...X
4. buy a house...
5. get married and have kids...
6. visit carleton...
7. make cheryl and leslie get a blog...
8. talk to and visit Smars, Elfie, Edaeni...
9. conquer the world...
10. figure out the rest of my life...
11. retire...
2. get a car...
3. get a cell phone...X
4. buy a house...
5. get married and have kids...
6. visit carleton...
7. make cheryl and leslie get a blog...
8. talk to and visit Smars, Elfie, Edaeni...
9. conquer the world...
10. figure out the rest of my life...
11. retire...
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Bloomington
What, do I have a sign on my back that says , "hit on me"????
so i'm sitting there outside of Cub foods, minding my own bizness, waiting for my sister to pick me up, munching on the Lucky Charms I had just bought.
This dude, he must be like 17 (I thought) comes up, "Man, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are."
Me: "Come again?" with a mouthful of lucky charms.
I'm wearing my Explo orange T-shirt (hasn't been washed in a week, and I've worn it like 10 times), my blue sweat pants, my hair is in pig tails, I hadn't washed my face yet, barely brushed my teeth.
Him: "Well, you're beautiful, I was sittin over there, and there you were."
Me: "Wow, well thanks..."
Him: "What's your name?"
Me, hesitating: "Amenah. And yours?"
Him: "Nick. Yeah, well, I'm new to here. What do you do for fun?"
Me: "I'm not really from here, just visiting my sister."
Him: "Well...oh. okay. Well, I was wondering, i want to meet new people. I was thinking, maybe you and I could kick it--you know, do dinner or maybe a movie."
Me: "heh! ( i really did laugh) I barely know you!"
Him: "Well it's not like it's marriage or something."
Me: "honey, how old are you?"
Him: "20. how 'bout you?'
Me, incredulous, and still feeling older: "Oh, um. 22"
Him: "See, you're only a bit older. so how 'bout it?"
Me: "Thanks, I'm flattered. But, I'm really not interested right now. Not the right time. Besides, I'm not from here."
Him: "Are you sure, I mean...( i nod my head, trying REALLY hard not to laugh out of disbelief) okay....nice meeting you." He walks off.
I'm in disbelief. Once again.
There must be a record for this. Being hit on in Bloomington.
AND i've never even had a boyfriend. this is hilarious.
so i'm sitting there outside of Cub foods, minding my own bizness, waiting for my sister to pick me up, munching on the Lucky Charms I had just bought.
This dude, he must be like 17 (I thought) comes up, "Man, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are."
Me: "Come again?" with a mouthful of lucky charms.
I'm wearing my Explo orange T-shirt (hasn't been washed in a week, and I've worn it like 10 times), my blue sweat pants, my hair is in pig tails, I hadn't washed my face yet, barely brushed my teeth.
Him: "Well, you're beautiful, I was sittin over there, and there you were."
Me: "Wow, well thanks..."
Him: "What's your name?"
Me, hesitating: "Amenah. And yours?"
Him: "Nick. Yeah, well, I'm new to here. What do you do for fun?"
Me: "I'm not really from here, just visiting my sister."
Him: "Well...oh. okay. Well, I was wondering, i want to meet new people. I was thinking, maybe you and I could kick it--you know, do dinner or maybe a movie."
Me: "heh! ( i really did laugh) I barely know you!"
Him: "Well it's not like it's marriage or something."
Me: "honey, how old are you?"
Him: "20. how 'bout you?'
Me, incredulous, and still feeling older: "Oh, um. 22"
Him: "See, you're only a bit older. so how 'bout it?"
Me: "Thanks, I'm flattered. But, I'm really not interested right now. Not the right time. Besides, I'm not from here."
Him: "Are you sure, I mean...( i nod my head, trying REALLY hard not to laugh out of disbelief) okay....nice meeting you." He walks off.
I'm in disbelief. Once again.
There must be a record for this. Being hit on in Bloomington.
AND i've never even had a boyfriend. this is hilarious.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
blog bloopers
have you wondered lately why my blog is so messed up? i mean beyond the english nightmare, rather the set up, the organization? well...i have been trying to adjust my blogger template to allow my tag board to be near the top. i have been unsuccessful.
here's a random quote:
"yeah, my professor told me that I was going to Yale. but really he meant that I was going to fail...." Imran, my bro, after I asked him if he knew where he was going. He interpreted it as, i'm going to Yale, right? heh. okay, i guess you had to be there. it was like 2 am.
here's a random quote:
"yeah, my professor told me that I was going to Yale. but really he meant that I was going to fail...." Imran, my bro, after I asked him if he knew where he was going. He interpreted it as, i'm going to Yale, right? heh. okay, i guess you had to be there. it was like 2 am.
twiddlie twee
"you know something's up when the Swiss have the cup, the French think the Americans are arrogant, the Germans want nothin to do with the war, the best golfer is Black, the [best] rapper is White, and the tallest bball player is Chinese."
Monday, August 15, 2005
UPDATE to mis amigos
JOSH: i have actually left the Boston area, gone home, and I am now in CT dropping snarms off at Yale. I will prollie drop by to see Carls and pick up my bike from Leslie.
Leslie: i'm coming to see you and Cheryl! and to pick up my precious bike! me miss you! (and, dude, happy belated bday!!!!)
Cheryl, Edaeni and VOW sistahs: ladies, ladies! i will send you all a lengthy massive email soon, but right now I have travelled with snarms and yi yi to the east coast. i'm typing to you from Yale library. i'm kicking myself, cuz this place is amazing. maybe i should have done a better job evaluating this place. oh, and the whole 'rest-of-my-life-thing' is in crisis stage. i'm currently searching high and low for a job...(those who do not work, do not eat) ahhhhhhh!!!! (last week i deferred to U of MI,,,, no longer MN) i know, i'm crazy.
write me!
Leslie: i'm coming to see you and Cheryl! and to pick up my precious bike! me miss you! (and, dude, happy belated bday!!!!)
Cheryl, Edaeni and VOW sistahs: ladies, ladies! i will send you all a lengthy massive email soon, but right now I have travelled with snarms and yi yi to the east coast. i'm typing to you from Yale library. i'm kicking myself, cuz this place is amazing. maybe i should have done a better job evaluating this place. oh, and the whole 'rest-of-my-life-thing' is in crisis stage. i'm currently searching high and low for a job...(those who do not work, do not eat) ahhhhhhh!!!! (last week i deferred to U of MI,,,, no longer MN) i know, i'm crazy.
write me!
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
children children...
Let me tell you 'bout the dean's office. So, yeah, there's a dean's office. It's suppose to be the big bad guys who punish the munchkins. I hate disciplining students. In fact, I cringe when I have to follow through with consequences. I never send students to the dean's office. Until this one boy broke down crying in my class. He was being REALLY hard to work with, asking me millions of questions on his presentation prep, telling me he couldn't handle the protocal. It was then that he burst out in tears, and started shrilling in a tantrum. I says to myself, "oh dear, hear it comes". So i pull him outside the class, try to calm him down. He then starts shrieking about how he hates Explo, and how his mom made him come here. And he wants to be kicked out. He started beggin me to kick him out. I told him that i'd give him 5 minutes to collect himself, and then continue our conversation. I come back 5 minutes later, he's rolled up on the floor, still bawling. I gave him an Amenah pep talk, trying to get him to realize that it won't be that terrible if he choses to make the best of his time here: "life is all about choices" blah blah. he seemed to buy it, until i gave him a choice. I said, "okay, ___, here it is, man. You can either go continue on your project, and forget about how much you don't want to be here. Or you can go sit with the Deans. ___, I really don't want you to go to the dean's office. We only have 10 minutes left of class. Can you make it through just 10 minutes more?"
"NO!!!!!!!!!" he wailed. I sent him to the deans. Sigh.
Poor dude, he returned later apologizing perfusely. And he kept asking me if I were mad at him. Poor guy.
Oh. And I was evaluated by the Dean, his name is David. He collects all the juicy gossip about how crazy I am as a teacher.
Apparently, word on the street is that my students are all receiving their master's degrees in immunology and being prepared to enter their 3rd year in rotations. heh. truth is, I'm actually teaching them straight out of my college notes. AND they get it. hard to believe, eh? But, contrary to earlier publications, Explo is not going to fire me. No no. They actually, gasp, like my work. And my curric. advisor says that i have a natural flare for teaching. hmmmmm. if only i could spell.
now let me tell you about improv. the other day, for our carnival night, i was assigned 'handwriting analysis'. yeah. so, i'm like, okay, they'll prolllie provide me with some handout at least, to base my 'analysis'. nope. so i arrive at my station, and there's this huge HUGE mega line waiting for Dr. Babar's handwriting analysis. I was like, "dude, what am i gonna do?" so i made it up. yep. The freaky thing was, after the first trials, i actually was getting kids saying to me, "wow, you are so right. i really do like art/science/math." i was gettin so good at going on the fly, that i started believing myself. carleton has taught me well. mmmhm.
and then, the other day, I taught a "middle eastern" cooking class; we made baklava and curry. i tried to direct the title to be South Asian and Greek cooking, but apparently the dude making titles thought I was doing the middle eastern thing. Same difference. "they" say I'm Hashemite. Why not? And my last name directs me to the Ottoman Turks. So not only am I Pakistani, Native, French, Italian, Swedish, Bengali--but middle eastern. "middle of what?"--Prof. Sampson. LIke Delilah.
Oh, AND it was a huge success. I really think i should just buy myself a house with a gigantic kitchen. and just cook all day. i discovered that i really like cooking. course, if i don't get married soon, this whole biz with being a house wife aint gonna fly. so i better do somethin, like go to med school. or get my act togetha and do science.
fo'get men!
okay. time for bed. i'm coming home!!!!
"NO!!!!!!!!!" he wailed. I sent him to the deans. Sigh.
Poor dude, he returned later apologizing perfusely. And he kept asking me if I were mad at him. Poor guy.
Oh. And I was evaluated by the Dean, his name is David. He collects all the juicy gossip about how crazy I am as a teacher.
Apparently, word on the street is that my students are all receiving their master's degrees in immunology and being prepared to enter their 3rd year in rotations. heh. truth is, I'm actually teaching them straight out of my college notes. AND they get it. hard to believe, eh? But, contrary to earlier publications, Explo is not going to fire me. No no. They actually, gasp, like my work. And my curric. advisor says that i have a natural flare for teaching. hmmmmm. if only i could spell.
now let me tell you about improv. the other day, for our carnival night, i was assigned 'handwriting analysis'. yeah. so, i'm like, okay, they'll prolllie provide me with some handout at least, to base my 'analysis'. nope. so i arrive at my station, and there's this huge HUGE mega line waiting for Dr. Babar's handwriting analysis. I was like, "dude, what am i gonna do?" so i made it up. yep. The freaky thing was, after the first trials, i actually was getting kids saying to me, "wow, you are so right. i really do like art/science/math." i was gettin so good at going on the fly, that i started believing myself. carleton has taught me well. mmmhm.
and then, the other day, I taught a "middle eastern" cooking class; we made baklava and curry. i tried to direct the title to be South Asian and Greek cooking, but apparently the dude making titles thought I was doing the middle eastern thing. Same difference. "they" say I'm Hashemite. Why not? And my last name directs me to the Ottoman Turks. So not only am I Pakistani, Native, French, Italian, Swedish, Bengali--but middle eastern. "middle of what?"--Prof. Sampson. LIke Delilah.
Oh, AND it was a huge success. I really think i should just buy myself a house with a gigantic kitchen. and just cook all day. i discovered that i really like cooking. course, if i don't get married soon, this whole biz with being a house wife aint gonna fly. so i better do somethin, like go to med school. or get my act togetha and do science.
fo'get men!
okay. time for bed. i'm coming home!!!!
Monday, August 01, 2005
In Class
Yes. I am currently in class. During my doctor class last period, I taught all about blood pressure, and taught students how to take BP. They were a little too excited, and I only had two kits for them to use. So eager to learn. Heh. And we then worked on making presentations for presentation day. They are doing controversial topics--such as stem cell research, abortion, cloning, and euthanasia. They are also practicing PDX, mental examinations, BP, and CPR to present. Yay for medicine. I'm currently watching my Achoo! students work on their diseases. They are having fun tearing up tissue paper for their foam boards, and typing up their information. We got Ebola, Yellow Fever, TB, SARS, Sleeping Sickness represented.
I'm hungry.
I'm coming home soon!
Hmmmmm.......
Oh, and I saw Mingmer and Kils!!!! In Boston! I miss Carl Buds. I should have failed comps just to come back.
Sigh.
I'm hungry.
I'm coming home soon!
Hmmmmm.......
Oh, and I saw Mingmer and Kils!!!! In Boston! I miss Carl Buds. I should have failed comps just to come back.
Sigh.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
clarifying things
okay, so my tag board is going bizerkee.
my msg will prollie show up 10 days from now, so i thought i'd add what i said here.
Edaeni and Rashi and all my VOW sistahs:
if you are confused, i am confused too! but don't worry, i'm in good hands! and you shouldn't be too concerned--unless of course, a specific 'section' in facebook changes...heh! yeah, you know you checked!
i'm still playing a single card---waiting to get married to the RIGHT one. :)
my msg will prollie show up 10 days from now, so i thought i'd add what i said here.
Edaeni and Rashi and all my VOW sistahs:
if you are confused, i am confused too! but don't worry, i'm in good hands! and you shouldn't be too concerned--unless of course, a specific 'section' in facebook changes...heh! yeah, you know you checked!
i'm still playing a single card---waiting to get married to the RIGHT one. :)
BBQ phone
ha ha! this one's great.
i'm in quincy market, right, that's this huge food market place. i'm standing in line, and i order this bbq chicken sandwich.
the dude (he's this cute Mexican) goes, "would you like anything else with that?"
I'm like, "ummmm....well, what else do you have?"
he goes, "my phone number."
i'm like, speechless. blushing.
he goes, "well....i also have potatoes, rice, etc..."
heh.
that's a great one.
i'm in quincy market, right, that's this huge food market place. i'm standing in line, and i order this bbq chicken sandwich.
the dude (he's this cute Mexican) goes, "would you like anything else with that?"
I'm like, "ummmm....well, what else do you have?"
he goes, "my phone number."
i'm like, speechless. blushing.
he goes, "well....i also have potatoes, rice, etc..."
heh.
that's a great one.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Captivated
"Therefore, I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them, but not find them." Hos. 2:6-7
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengence of our God, to comfor all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil for gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Prophet Isaiah (61:1-3)
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengence of our God, to comfor all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil for gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Prophet Isaiah (61:1-3)
Saturday, July 16, 2005
motives
yes. Edaeni. Motives.
Webster is our man.
Main Entry: 1mo·tive
Pronunciation: 'mO-tiv, 2 is also mO-'tEv
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French motif, from motif, adjective, moving, from Medieval Latin motivus, from Latin motus, past participle of movEre to move
1 : something (as a need or desire) that causes a person to act
2 : a recurrent phrase or figure that is developed through the course of a musical composition
Entry Word: motive
Function: noun
Text: 1 a major object of interest or concern (as in a discussion or artistic composition) -- see MATTER 1
2 a unit of decoration that is repeated all over something (as a fabric) -- see PATTERN 1
3 something (as a belief) that serves as the basis for another thing -- see REASON 2
I've decided that I simply can not trust people--rather, men. I'm simply trustless. Perhaps I have good reason for this. To be continued. and i mean, to be continued meaning I don't even know. Only God does.
Webster is our man.
Main Entry: 1mo·tive
Pronunciation: 'mO-tiv, 2 is also mO-'tEv
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French motif, from motif, adjective, moving, from Medieval Latin motivus, from Latin motus, past participle of movEre to move
1 : something (as a need or desire) that causes a person to act
2 : a recurrent phrase or figure that is developed through the course of a musical composition
Entry Word: motive
Function: noun
Text: 1 a major object of interest or concern (as in a discussion or artistic composition)
2 a unit of decoration that is repeated all over something (as a fabric)
3 something (as a belief) that serves as the basis for another thing
I've decided that I simply can not trust people--rather, men. I'm simply trustless. Perhaps I have good reason for this. To be continued. and i mean, to be continued meaning I don't even know. Only God does.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Sigh
So Imran is back home. He nearly gave my mom a heart attack, actually. Apparently he's lost 30 lbs, and he's considerably underweight. He's weak, feverish, and he refused --at first--to go immediately to the hospital. Again, apparently, he didn't take any malaria pills when he was India. He took one look at the side effects, and stashed the bottle away. Lots of sighs. I am trying my best not to be anxious. I am waiting to hear what the blood tests say. I have it on my mind to jump a plane, go home, and beat him up, affectionately of course. He's still his stubborn self, insisting that he's going to travel to Montana for Byron's wedding, insisting that all is well.....He will only eat tomato soup. Tomato soup!!!
I consoled my mother, who is constantly worried about us, "Mom, I am as plump as ever. Feasting away. And I'm surrounded by cops 24/7." Yes, Wellesley has their own police dept. Heh.
But, dude. I was so upset this morning when I discovered this out. I really wish I could be at home right now. I miss him, and am realllly concerned. All is in God's hands, but my mind is thinking terrible.
If you are reading this....pleeeeeeeeeeeease pray for him.
I consoled my mother, who is constantly worried about us, "Mom, I am as plump as ever. Feasting away. And I'm surrounded by cops 24/7." Yes, Wellesley has their own police dept. Heh.
But, dude. I was so upset this morning when I discovered this out. I really wish I could be at home right now. I miss him, and am realllly concerned. All is in God's hands, but my mind is thinking terrible.
If you are reading this....pleeeeeeeeeeeease pray for him.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Quick Update
Okay. So my job is REALLY 24/7. Like, I have NO down time. How am I writing you, you ask? I'm on a break. Heh. No downtime. My first days teaching were a mess! Confusion, forgetting rules, AHHHHHHH!!! I was totally stressed out for the first few days, getting like 5 hours a night for sleep, while on the verge of a breakdown. I'm dead serious. I was about to bawl it all out, and quit. Then Diego came and had dinner with me, and saved me from my terrible day. (Diego is a nice guy from Florida/Indiana/Columbia....ask me about this one Elfie!!!)
Kids are great. Teaching is great. Being an RA is great. BUT doing everything! its insane!!!! impossible!!! but, possible, cuz somehow i--along with other super heroes--are doing it. I'm a superhero. You betta believe it. You no idea what I've been through the last few days. I feel like 10 years older. I've grown grey hairs, and wrinkles. Heh.
This is a terrible post. I mean, there's so much that's happened, I have no idea where to start. Let's just say that God is getting me through all of this. Just between you and me: if you ever apply to a job, make sure you KNOW every thing that is expected of you.....(I have like 10 job titles: teacher, RA, nurse assist, bell hop, quad circler, floater, office assistant, trip coordinator, activity organizer, soccer assistant....even during meals i have to work. OUTRAGEOUS!!! )
Kids are great. Teaching is great. Being an RA is great. BUT doing everything! its insane!!!! impossible!!! but, possible, cuz somehow i--along with other super heroes--are doing it. I'm a superhero. You betta believe it. You no idea what I've been through the last few days. I feel like 10 years older. I've grown grey hairs, and wrinkles. Heh.
This is a terrible post. I mean, there's so much that's happened, I have no idea where to start. Let's just say that God is getting me through all of this. Just between you and me: if you ever apply to a job, make sure you KNOW every thing that is expected of you.....(I have like 10 job titles: teacher, RA, nurse assist, bell hop, quad circler, floater, office assistant, trip coordinator, activity organizer, soccer assistant....even during meals i have to work. OUTRAGEOUS!!! )
Friday, June 24, 2005
DR2B. IMRAN ALI BABAR
2005 Gilliam Fellows
IMRAN BABAR
As a child, Imran Babar saw science unfolding every day on his family’s Minnesota farm as he grew vegetables and raised sheep. When he wasn’t working on the farm, he fashioned spare machine parts into toys. In school, that penchant for hands-on tinkering led Babar into the biology labs, where he found his calling.
article online:
http://www.hhmi.org/news/babar.html
Imran Babar
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Research Field: Developmental Biology
Photo: Amenah Babar
A high-resolution photograph is available on request.
Request a photo
"The more I learned, the more I wanted to know," says Babar, 23, the son of a Pakistani father and a Native American mother. As an undergraduate at Carleton College in Northfield, Minnesota, he found himself especially fascinated by basic cell and molecular biology. A devout Christian, Babar also led a nondenominational Bible study group and played in a campus “praise band.”
During his junior year, Babar won a spot in HHMI’s Exceptional Research Opportunities Program (EXROP), which offers summer research experiences for disadvantaged and minority undergraduates in the labs of HHMI investigators or HHMI professors. He spent his EXROP summer doing research in the lab of HHMI investigator Tyler Jacks, a geneticist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) who studies cancer development.
Babar worked on a project to unravel the role of stem cells in tumor formation. He helped isolate a cell type found in the lung tissue of mice that may be an adult lung stem cell. The research has been accepted for publication in the journal Cell.
“I learned so much through EXROP — how to approach scientific questions, organize projects, collaborate, and more,” says Babar. Perhaps most important, he learned to feel more self-confident. “One of the greatest lessons was that I can be successful in science even in the highest-caliber settings,” Babar remarks. Indeed, Jacks notes that Babar is comfortable not only at the lab bench, but also before a crowd, explaining his experiments and results in formal presentations.
It’s a skill that will serve him well this fall, as he enters Ph.D. studies in the Department of Molecular, Cellular and Developmental Biology at Yale University. Babar says he chose the program for its 30 faculty members’ broad range of research. He also likes the environment at Yale. “The people are friendly and personable, intense and excited,” he says. “I can see myself fitting right in.”
IMRAN's cell article (work at MIT)
Identification of Bronchioalveolar Stem Cells in Normal Lung and Lung Cancer
Carla F. Bender Kim1, Erica L. Jackson1, 3, Amber E. Woolfenden1, 2, Sharon Lawrence1, Imran Babar2, Sinae Vogel1, Denise Crowley1, Roderick T. Bronson4 and Tyler Jacks1, 2, ,
1Center for Cancer Research and Department of Biology, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02139
2Howard Hughes Medical Institute, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02139
Received 30 June 2004; revised 22 December 2004; accepted 31 March 2005. Published: June 16, 2005. Available online 16 June 2005.
Summary
Injury models have suggested that the lung contains anatomically and functionally distinct epithelial stem cell populations. We have isolated such a regional pulmonary stem cell population, termed bronchioalveolar stem cells (BASCs). Identified at the bronchioalveolar duct junction, BASCs were resistant to bronchiolar and alveolar damage and proliferated during epithelial cell renewal in vivo. BASCs exhibited self-renewal and were multipotent in clonal assays, highlighting their stem cell properties. Furthermore, BASCs expanded in response to oncogenic K-ras in culture and in precursors of lung tumors in vivo. These data support the hypothesis that BASCs are a stem cell population that maintains the bronchiolar Clara cells and alveolar cells of the distal lung and that their transformed counterparts give rise to adenocarcinoma. Although bronchiolar cells and alveolar cells are proposed to be the precursor cells of adenocarcinoma, this work points to BASCs as the putative cells of origin for this subtype of lung cancer.
Imran's PNAS article abstract:
MICROBIOLOGY
Longitudinal analysis of the group A Streptococcus transcriptome in experimental pharyngitis in cynomolgus macaques
Kimmo Virtaneva * , Stephen F. Porcella * , Morag R. Graham * , Robin M. Ireland *, Claire A. Johnson *, Stacy M. Ricklefs *, IMRAN BABAR!!!*, Larye D. Parkins *, Romina A. Romero * , G. Judson Corn *, Don J. Gardner ¶, John R. Bailey ¶, Michael J. Parnell ¶ and James M. Musser *, ||, **
*Laboratory of Human Bacterial Pathogenesis and ¶Veterinary Branch, Rocky Mountain Laboratories, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, National Institutes of Health, Hamilton, MT 59840; and ||Center for Human Bacterial Pathogenesis Research, Department of Pathology, Baylor College of Medicine, One Baylor Plaza, Houston, TX 77030
Communicated by Richard M. Krause, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, MD, May 10, 2005 (received for review March 3, 2005)
Identification of the genetic events that contribute to host–pathogen interactions is important for understanding the natural history of infectious diseases and developing therapeutics. Transcriptome studies conducted on pathogens have been central to this goal in recent years. However, most of these investigations have focused on specific end points or disease phases, rather than analysis of the entire time course of infection. To gain a more complete understanding of how bacterial gene expression changes over time in a primate host, the transcriptome of group A Streptococcus (GAS) was analyzed during an 86-day infection protocol in 20 cynomolgus macaques with experimental pharyngitis. The study used 260 custom Affymetrix (Santa Clara, CA) chips, and data were confirmed by TaqMan analysis. Colonization, acute, and asymptomatic phases of disease were identified. Successful colonization and severe inflammation were significantly correlated with an early onset of superantigen gene expression. The differential expression of two-component regulators covR and spy0680 (M1_spy0874) was significantly associated with GAS colony-forming units, inflammation, and phases of disease. Prophage virulence gene expression and prophage induction occurred predominantly during high pathogen cell densities and acute inflammation. We discovered that temporal changes in the GAS transcriptome were integrally linked to the phase of clinical disease and host-defense response. Knowledge of the gene expression patterns characterizing each phase of pathogen–host interaction provides avenues for targeted investigation of proven and putative virulence factors and genes of unknown function and will assist vaccine research.
IMRAN BABAR
As a child, Imran Babar saw science unfolding every day on his family’s Minnesota farm as he grew vegetables and raised sheep. When he wasn’t working on the farm, he fashioned spare machine parts into toys. In school, that penchant for hands-on tinkering led Babar into the biology labs, where he found his calling.
article online:
http://www.hhmi.org/news/babar.html
Imran Babar
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Research Field: Developmental Biology
Photo: Amenah Babar
A high-resolution photograph is available on request.
Request a photo
"The more I learned, the more I wanted to know," says Babar, 23, the son of a Pakistani father and a Native American mother. As an undergraduate at Carleton College in Northfield, Minnesota, he found himself especially fascinated by basic cell and molecular biology. A devout Christian, Babar also led a nondenominational Bible study group and played in a campus “praise band.”
During his junior year, Babar won a spot in HHMI’s Exceptional Research Opportunities Program (EXROP), which offers summer research experiences for disadvantaged and minority undergraduates in the labs of HHMI investigators or HHMI professors. He spent his EXROP summer doing research in the lab of HHMI investigator Tyler Jacks, a geneticist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) who studies cancer development.
Babar worked on a project to unravel the role of stem cells in tumor formation. He helped isolate a cell type found in the lung tissue of mice that may be an adult lung stem cell. The research has been accepted for publication in the journal Cell.
“I learned so much through EXROP — how to approach scientific questions, organize projects, collaborate, and more,” says Babar. Perhaps most important, he learned to feel more self-confident. “One of the greatest lessons was that I can be successful in science even in the highest-caliber settings,” Babar remarks. Indeed, Jacks notes that Babar is comfortable not only at the lab bench, but also before a crowd, explaining his experiments and results in formal presentations.
It’s a skill that will serve him well this fall, as he enters Ph.D. studies in the Department of Molecular, Cellular and Developmental Biology at Yale University. Babar says he chose the program for its 30 faculty members’ broad range of research. He also likes the environment at Yale. “The people are friendly and personable, intense and excited,” he says. “I can see myself fitting right in.”
IMRAN's cell article (work at MIT)
Identification of Bronchioalveolar Stem Cells in Normal Lung and Lung Cancer
Carla F. Bender Kim1, Erica L. Jackson1, 3, Amber E. Woolfenden1, 2, Sharon Lawrence1, Imran Babar2, Sinae Vogel1, Denise Crowley1, Roderick T. Bronson4 and Tyler Jacks1, 2, ,
1Center for Cancer Research and Department of Biology, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02139
2Howard Hughes Medical Institute, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02139
Received 30 June 2004; revised 22 December 2004; accepted 31 March 2005. Published: June 16, 2005. Available online 16 June 2005.
Summary
Injury models have suggested that the lung contains anatomically and functionally distinct epithelial stem cell populations. We have isolated such a regional pulmonary stem cell population, termed bronchioalveolar stem cells (BASCs). Identified at the bronchioalveolar duct junction, BASCs were resistant to bronchiolar and alveolar damage and proliferated during epithelial cell renewal in vivo. BASCs exhibited self-renewal and were multipotent in clonal assays, highlighting their stem cell properties. Furthermore, BASCs expanded in response to oncogenic K-ras in culture and in precursors of lung tumors in vivo. These data support the hypothesis that BASCs are a stem cell population that maintains the bronchiolar Clara cells and alveolar cells of the distal lung and that their transformed counterparts give rise to adenocarcinoma. Although bronchiolar cells and alveolar cells are proposed to be the precursor cells of adenocarcinoma, this work points to BASCs as the putative cells of origin for this subtype of lung cancer.
Imran's PNAS article abstract:
MICROBIOLOGY
Longitudinal analysis of the group A Streptococcus transcriptome in experimental pharyngitis in cynomolgus macaques
Kimmo Virtaneva * , Stephen F. Porcella * , Morag R. Graham * , Robin M. Ireland *, Claire A. Johnson *, Stacy M. Ricklefs *, IMRAN BABAR!!!*, Larye D. Parkins *, Romina A. Romero * , G. Judson Corn *, Don J. Gardner ¶, John R. Bailey ¶, Michael J. Parnell ¶ and James M. Musser *, ||, **
*Laboratory of Human Bacterial Pathogenesis and ¶Veterinary Branch, Rocky Mountain Laboratories, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, National Institutes of Health, Hamilton, MT 59840; and ||Center for Human Bacterial Pathogenesis Research, Department of Pathology, Baylor College of Medicine, One Baylor Plaza, Houston, TX 77030
Communicated by Richard M. Krause, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, MD, May 10, 2005 (received for review March 3, 2005)
Identification of the genetic events that contribute to host–pathogen interactions is important for understanding the natural history of infectious diseases and developing therapeutics. Transcriptome studies conducted on pathogens have been central to this goal in recent years. However, most of these investigations have focused on specific end points or disease phases, rather than analysis of the entire time course of infection. To gain a more complete understanding of how bacterial gene expression changes over time in a primate host, the transcriptome of group A Streptococcus (GAS) was analyzed during an 86-day infection protocol in 20 cynomolgus macaques with experimental pharyngitis. The study used 260 custom Affymetrix (Santa Clara, CA) chips, and data were confirmed by TaqMan analysis. Colonization, acute, and asymptomatic phases of disease were identified. Successful colonization and severe inflammation were significantly correlated with an early onset of superantigen gene expression. The differential expression of two-component regulators covR and spy0680 (M1_spy0874) was significantly associated with GAS colony-forming units, inflammation, and phases of disease. Prophage virulence gene expression and prophage induction occurred predominantly during high pathogen cell densities and acute inflammation. We discovered that temporal changes in the GAS transcriptome were integrally linked to the phase of clinical disease and host-defense response. Knowledge of the gene expression patterns characterizing each phase of pathogen–host interaction provides avenues for targeted investigation of proven and putative virulence factors and genes of unknown function and will assist vaccine research.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Procrastination????!!
Yeah. I'm procrastinating. I'm suppose to be preparing for my classes. I visited my class, and man, is it well stocked! i am soooo excited. for real. i'm also teaching next to a star. no, really! you don't believe me. His name is Alex, he's got this great accent, he's teaching physics next door, and he's a gentlemen. Oh, and he goes to school with Prince William. He's not chaps with him or nothin, but they've taken classes, etc. But my seventh sense figures this Alex dude must be high up there too, since he's hung out with some other pretty big guys, met Clinton on the golf course, that type of thing.
But Alex is soooo sweet! I mean, he's like one of those cordial British/Scottish (I haven't figured out what he is) guys, who insists on opening every single door, and is convinced that I'm going to faint at every task and does them for me. Like we were suppose to make this poster, he not only insisted on getting the board for me, but makes the thing. And retrieves my first aid kit, and gets all my papers..okay, you get the picture.
That's the end of this one.
But Alex is soooo sweet! I mean, he's like one of those cordial British/Scottish (I haven't figured out what he is) guys, who insists on opening every single door, and is convinced that I'm going to faint at every task and does them for me. Like we were suppose to make this poster, he not only insisted on getting the board for me, but makes the thing. And retrieves my first aid kit, and gets all my papers..okay, you get the picture.
That's the end of this one.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Btown III
This will be my third time, but first time alone, to Btown.
I'm safe and sound, thanks to God's secret agents. Did I ever tell you that I'm stupid? Well, if you were ever suspicious, this will confirm your spider sense tingles. I'm not bright, no, no, this country gal's got alot to learn.
My plane was cancelled. I had to be in Boston the next day. So I risked it, and changed flights. K? Well, my new flight involved having to catch a connection in Chicago. I could have missed it. And have been stuck in Chicago for a night. Well, I made it, because the airline made the connecting flight wait 30 minutes for me, and my four new friends--a professor from St. Cloud, a German, and two Britney Spears.
I arrived in Boston at 11pm. Smart thing to do would have been to call a cab. I said to myself, "ah, i'll save myself $80 and take the T station, to the South Station, to the Commuter, to the Worcester Stop(NOT pronounced war-chester, i was corrected 10 times) . Yep. Easy. Piece a' cake." I made it through the T---BARELY--and by protection from Up Above. You heard me. Picture it. A short brown girl, wearing an ELMO t-shirt, with 2 huge luggage bags filled with appliances and 2 carry ons. It's night. It's in an underground subway. The T-station. There are tough looking men everywhere, and one tough looking woman. I was the only naive, ignorant girl with four bags. I could have missed the LAST train, had it not been for a knight in shining armor who wisked up my stubborn--inmobile--bag and rolled/carried it for me. He then preceded to show me where I needed to go, and took both of my bags (after glancing back, and seeing that I was about to collapse in exhaustion and frustration). He took me farther than his stop. And then when he had to leave, yet another knight in shining armor took the other bag, replacing the other dude. You ask, "why did you trust these two random strangers?" Because you just know when to trust. They were trustworthy.
Okay. Well. I eventually ended up calling a cab anyways, because it ended up being like 2:30 am. And it still cost an arm and a leg. And I tipped the dude $2. I think I insulted him. But that was all I had. I think he realized I was a broke college student, since he dropped me off at Wellesley.
The past two days of Orientation, I have learned that not only am I going to be a teacher of two classes, but I'm also leading an hour long activity every other day, an assistant soccer coach, an RA--which includes entertaining the munchkins 24/7, being a counselor, an advisor, arrangeing floor activities, leading discussions on...sex and sexuality.....oh dear. what have i gotten myself into??????
Well. I'm here. and I'm gonna make it! And i refuse to not enjoy this time.
Random advice: don't pack liquid detergent in your luggage containing your CD player, your lamp, and your clock. I don't care how well you wrap/package it. I don't care how rushed you are. Go and buy powder detergent. I'm now without a functioning alarm clock. I need to go to target. Yet, I don't have any time, nor a car.
Things are good. Really, they are. I'm just overwhelmed. I think I could use a few extra break days. :)
Did I mention Wellesley is bEEEEEautiful???? Man, these girls got the whole nine yards out here. luxury and all.
I'm safe and sound, thanks to God's secret agents. Did I ever tell you that I'm stupid? Well, if you were ever suspicious, this will confirm your spider sense tingles. I'm not bright, no, no, this country gal's got alot to learn.
My plane was cancelled. I had to be in Boston the next day. So I risked it, and changed flights. K? Well, my new flight involved having to catch a connection in Chicago. I could have missed it. And have been stuck in Chicago for a night. Well, I made it, because the airline made the connecting flight wait 30 minutes for me, and my four new friends--a professor from St. Cloud, a German, and two Britney Spears.
I arrived in Boston at 11pm. Smart thing to do would have been to call a cab. I said to myself, "ah, i'll save myself $80 and take the T station, to the South Station, to the Commuter, to the Worcester Stop(NOT pronounced war-chester, i was corrected 10 times) . Yep. Easy. Piece a' cake." I made it through the T---BARELY--and by protection from Up Above. You heard me. Picture it. A short brown girl, wearing an ELMO t-shirt, with 2 huge luggage bags filled with appliances and 2 carry ons. It's night. It's in an underground subway. The T-station. There are tough looking men everywhere, and one tough looking woman. I was the only naive, ignorant girl with four bags. I could have missed the LAST train, had it not been for a knight in shining armor who wisked up my stubborn--inmobile--bag and rolled/carried it for me. He then preceded to show me where I needed to go, and took both of my bags (after glancing back, and seeing that I was about to collapse in exhaustion and frustration). He took me farther than his stop. And then when he had to leave, yet another knight in shining armor took the other bag, replacing the other dude. You ask, "why did you trust these two random strangers?" Because you just know when to trust. They were trustworthy.
Okay. Well. I eventually ended up calling a cab anyways, because it ended up being like 2:30 am. And it still cost an arm and a leg. And I tipped the dude $2. I think I insulted him. But that was all I had. I think he realized I was a broke college student, since he dropped me off at Wellesley.
The past two days of Orientation, I have learned that not only am I going to be a teacher of two classes, but I'm also leading an hour long activity every other day, an assistant soccer coach, an RA--which includes entertaining the munchkins 24/7, being a counselor, an advisor, arrangeing floor activities, leading discussions on...sex and sexuality.....oh dear. what have i gotten myself into??????
Well. I'm here. and I'm gonna make it! And i refuse to not enjoy this time.
Random advice: don't pack liquid detergent in your luggage containing your CD player, your lamp, and your clock. I don't care how well you wrap/package it. I don't care how rushed you are. Go and buy powder detergent. I'm now without a functioning alarm clock. I need to go to target. Yet, I don't have any time, nor a car.
Things are good. Really, they are. I'm just overwhelmed. I think I could use a few extra break days. :)
Did I mention Wellesley is bEEEEEautiful???? Man, these girls got the whole nine yards out here. luxury and all.
Monday, June 20, 2005
me me me me me....!
So what in the world has Amenah been doing these past few weeks?
1. taking finals. i had a genetics test. heh.
2. enjoying senior week, soliciting seniors for money....errr... slacking on the biz.
1. taking finals. i had a genetics test. heh.
2. enjoying senior week, soliciting seniors for money....errr... slacking on the biz.
- prom: hittin the street in red! but where was my waltz with Prince Charmin?? (did you see the lovely balloons at the grand??they were my doing! you like the invites? yep, that too was my contrib to the "prom committee"...heheheheh)
- gameworks: boxing like 10 rounds! i'm a champ. i tol you, Joe Louis is my hero. it's not really in my blood, but my grandpa (you know, the professional boxer related to the Brown Bomber???), now he taught me how to uppercut 'em. man, that game was terrible fun. i got a work out, and my arms were sore, but sweeeeet! knocked 'em out good, thas what i did.
- night at the reub. not that much fun. bleh. too many people, it rained, and i had wet socks.
- oh, and the whole car thing. i hate cars. so i had left my lights on during the international festival. got my car, Imran's car, jumped by Cheryl Fricke and Stephen Kampa. then ran it for 30 minutes. came back two days later, dead car. got another jump. went to the guys at Napa auto parts, had the battery tested, "well, honey, whatcha got to do, now, is run your car for like 2 hours...that'll charge 'er up. most people, they don't know that 30 minutes really aint that much chargin." I charged 'er up alright, drove around for about 2hours. parked it. came back two hours later, had a flat tire. A FLAT TIRE. and a DEAD Battery. so, then me gets real mad, and me gets a stinking new battery, tries to install it herself....David Derksen is my hero for putting my donut tire on. and my uncle is my hero for installing the battery. hey, i tried. and SMARS and EBONY are my heroines for their support, encouragement, prayers! (heh, Hari walks by --he's this tall Indian dude-- and he's like, "so what seems to be the problem here?" me explaining. "oh." he takes my tool, taps the side of the battery a couple times, a bit uncertain, hands it back, and says, "good luck!")
- champagne reception. good food. kinda silly, pretending to be adults. well i guess we are. NO. amenah didn't drink, much to Collin's dismay. I WILL NEVER DRINK!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! i don't care if i thought the lemonade drink was spiked and refused to drink it, that i'm uneducated to make the right decision (Collin!), and I'm a fraggle.
- Friday. the day before the end of the world: still packing, still doing stuff, missed ALL the receptions due to miscommunications, had to pick up relatives at various places. made it back in time to discover Dr. Karim chattin away with Damon at the bottom of Davis...Damon seemed to be quite amused. He came early, but we had dinner. Dr. Karim made me a deal. After Yale and U of MI accepted me and forgot to give me any money, Dr. Karim says, "hey, give me your application, i'll give you a free ride, with stipend, and you don't have to be a TA." So, me's applying. should prollie inform U of MI sometime. oh, and Rakisha's and Sooms and Patty's and Collin's wonderful reception. then the exhaustion and sadness hit me for like 5 minutes. shrugged it off, and did the rest of the stuff...i can't recall all of it. such a blur.
- Graduation. Dan Rossow calls me at 2 am. 2 AM!!! i'm exhausted, I had just crawled into bed 30 minutes before, and tell him i'm graduating the next day. silly Dan. let's stop there. what a day. maybe some other time, eh?
So now what, you ask?
I am going to Btown again. To teach lil rugrats somethin 'bout the immune system and to weed them out --scare em away from wanting to be medical doctors. i 'm still tired. haven't made up from finals week. thas okay. i'm a roadrunner, like imran. errr...rather, the energizer bunny wabbit.
WHEN IS IMRAN COMING HOME?????????!!!!!??????!!!!!
i love you all. i'm sorry for disappearing for like a week. i'll tell you more later......
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Translucent day
It is as clear as day.
It reminds me.
Of Dr. K.
Dr. Karim.
I was just 15 when I met this short, Bengali man, and he grinned at me.
We were walking through a hallway at UMD, I was wide eyed as I usually am in big places with lots of people; people who looked like me, people i had never seen my entire life. until one day. one day. so i was suppose to be getting into medicine. i was native. i still am native. and the program was for natives. to get them into medicine, cuz, man , the' aint no native docs. i'm only 1/4. but still. thas k.
Dr. Karim was my mentor. Imran, Autumn, Nina, and....me. with college students and Dr. Karim and Dr. Amjad. and we were curing HSV-I and II with plant extracts--Jerusalem Cherry and St. Johns wort.
I didn't know you then, of course. But I know you now.
I miss Dr. Karim. Last year, he fell in a man hole in Bangladesh. He was visiting his mother, who was sick. The doctors told him he would never walk again. They made him take off of work. They told him to stop teaching. He said, "Never!" and now he is walking. I saw him last summer, and he as usual, forced me to eat eat eat. Like all South Asian men. I remember how he used to yell at Imran and smile at me. Imran was convinced Uncle Raj hated him. (Uncle Raj= Dr. Karim). But no. He discovered it was tough love.
We embraced when I left. Dr. Karim is one of the main reasons I'm here at Carleton. (can we say, recommendation????)
I just thought of this, cuz I was writing out invitations to my graduation. Sigh.
It reminds me.
Of Dr. K.
Dr. Karim.
I was just 15 when I met this short, Bengali man, and he grinned at me.
We were walking through a hallway at UMD, I was wide eyed as I usually am in big places with lots of people; people who looked like me, people i had never seen my entire life. until one day. one day. so i was suppose to be getting into medicine. i was native. i still am native. and the program was for natives. to get them into medicine, cuz, man , the' aint no native docs. i'm only 1/4. but still. thas k.
Dr. Karim was my mentor. Imran, Autumn, Nina, and....me. with college students and Dr. Karim and Dr. Amjad. and we were curing HSV-I and II with plant extracts--Jerusalem Cherry and St. Johns wort.
I didn't know you then, of course. But I know you now.
I miss Dr. Karim. Last year, he fell in a man hole in Bangladesh. He was visiting his mother, who was sick. The doctors told him he would never walk again. They made him take off of work. They told him to stop teaching. He said, "Never!" and now he is walking. I saw him last summer, and he as usual, forced me to eat eat eat. Like all South Asian men. I remember how he used to yell at Imran and smile at me. Imran was convinced Uncle Raj hated him. (Uncle Raj= Dr. Karim). But no. He discovered it was tough love.
We embraced when I left. Dr. Karim is one of the main reasons I'm here at Carleton. (can we say, recommendation????)
I just thought of this, cuz I was writing out invitations to my graduation. Sigh.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Praise Him
My God, You have been faithful to me and throughout every generation. In my sleep, You speak to me. You comfort me. I am not afraid of the day or the night, because You have walked by my side all the days of my life. In my mother's womb, You knew me. You formed my heart, and my name was already in Yours. I was created to sing praises to You all my life. Be it far from me, that which would separate me from Your love. May oceans come between that which would and I. Oh my God, and my King, I will sing praises to You all my life. When I have asked You for bread, You have never given me a stone. For You have been good to me. A Father You have been to me. I do not fill my head with worrying about tomorrow, because You have never left my side. My God, my days are numbered in Your time, and I will serve You all the days of my life.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Muchas gracias!
Thank you Smars, Edaeni, and Rashi for making me a gigantic cookie;
Thank you Cheryl and Mingmer for filling my room with balloons, for the beautiful white roses, and breakfast.
Thank you Sooms and Emily for making the delicious YUMMY cake.
I love you all!
AND thanks for all the flowers, the notes, the gifts....sigh...I am so blessed to have such great friends and family. My heart is overwhelmed.
Thank you Cheryl and Mingmer for filling my room with balloons, for the beautiful white roses, and breakfast.
Thank you Sooms and Emily for making the delicious YUMMY cake.
I love you all!
AND thanks for all the flowers, the notes, the gifts....sigh...I am so blessed to have such great friends and family. My heart is overwhelmed.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
i'm white!!
heh. that last post was pathetic. ridiculously so. and this one is no match for Samara and Rashika. I'm tryin to oust you...I AM trying. i'm the underdawg, coming back with a comeback. Heh. Though, Edaeni, i'm entirely disappointed in you.
so, yeah, i was entirely too sleep today. and in class...btw my urban ed class is not a class--we NEVEr discuss readings!! I don't even look at the syllabus anymore. this is terrible. and i feel i should feel bad about it. i am learning, sometimes though. its helpful for my summer teaching program. anywho, so i literally fell asleep today. i could NOT for the life of me keep my eyes open. i've never done this in class. and then, my neurons fired off a good one, and a question popped out of my mouth. jsut like that, all was good again. I woke myself up by asking a question. BRILLIANT. it reminds me of this time once, when a dude fell asleep next to me during a guest lecture (rashi, you be quiet!!!). and out of nowhere, his arm bolted up, and he asked the most random question. what was weird was, that although I had been listening to this guest the whole time, i had no idea what he was asking. but apparently he had picked up on some detail, and extrapolated it. wow. maybe that's what i did.
so yeah, I'm white. i got in a fight with a curling iron the other day. my reflexes were too sleepy, and i ended up with this huge, okay medium sized, welt on my forehead. I had people, like Kilang, asking me if that was a birthmark. HOney, if it were a birthmark, you wouldv'e noticed!!! i hope!! smirk.
wait, where was i going with this? oh yeah, so i'm feelin all self-conscious about it cuz everyone is asking me : "what happened?!?!!" me to Mike: "you should see the other guy" (cheryl's insight)...Mike: "really, you? in a fight???" well, i've been plastering the burn with neosporin, beggin God not to punish me for my vanity (vanity of vanities saith the Lord~ Proverbs somewhere), and TODAY, it peeled off.....AND you wanna know what?? it's WHITE!!!! i've been hiding it. yep. now the Italian and French and Swedish has COME out.
okay, that was lame. i'm absolutely boring. i don't know how i got this way. its cuz i'm done with comps.
Let's talk about Mike again. Well. Mike's a good guy really, he is. But I've been pretending to be mad at him. CUz he entirely forgot my Bday...not, that's not entirely true. he remembered, but he wouldn't come to my party without his buddies. cuz he's afraid of me. i think the marriage thing freaked him out.
no, just messing. Mike. You need to party. Really. :) it'll help your application resumes.
i'm done now. i have to go.
so, yeah, i was entirely too sleep today. and in class...btw my urban ed class is not a class--we NEVEr discuss readings!! I don't even look at the syllabus anymore. this is terrible. and i feel i should feel bad about it. i am learning, sometimes though. its helpful for my summer teaching program. anywho, so i literally fell asleep today. i could NOT for the life of me keep my eyes open. i've never done this in class. and then, my neurons fired off a good one, and a question popped out of my mouth. jsut like that, all was good again. I woke myself up by asking a question. BRILLIANT. it reminds me of this time once, when a dude fell asleep next to me during a guest lecture (rashi, you be quiet!!!). and out of nowhere, his arm bolted up, and he asked the most random question. what was weird was, that although I had been listening to this guest the whole time, i had no idea what he was asking. but apparently he had picked up on some detail, and extrapolated it. wow. maybe that's what i did.
so yeah, I'm white. i got in a fight with a curling iron the other day. my reflexes were too sleepy, and i ended up with this huge, okay medium sized, welt on my forehead. I had people, like Kilang, asking me if that was a birthmark. HOney, if it were a birthmark, you wouldv'e noticed!!! i hope!! smirk.
wait, where was i going with this? oh yeah, so i'm feelin all self-conscious about it cuz everyone is asking me : "what happened?!?!!" me to Mike: "you should see the other guy" (cheryl's insight)...Mike: "really, you? in a fight???" well, i've been plastering the burn with neosporin, beggin God not to punish me for my vanity (vanity of vanities saith the Lord~ Proverbs somewhere), and TODAY, it peeled off.....AND you wanna know what?? it's WHITE!!!! i've been hiding it. yep. now the Italian and French and Swedish has COME out.
okay, that was lame. i'm absolutely boring. i don't know how i got this way. its cuz i'm done with comps.
Let's talk about Mike again. Well. Mike's a good guy really, he is. But I've been pretending to be mad at him. CUz he entirely forgot my Bday...not, that's not entirely true. he remembered, but he wouldn't come to my party without his buddies. cuz he's afraid of me. i think the marriage thing freaked him out.
no, just messing. Mike. You need to party. Really. :) it'll help your application resumes.
i'm done now. i have to go.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
an update
It has been some time, eh? miss me?
:)
So last night I had this dream. I was sitting down at a table with Kilang, talking genetics. Out of nowhere this girl with short blonde hair takes after me with a pair of scissors, and her intent is to kill me. I have lots of dreams about people trying to kill me. Usually, when I'm being threatened, I wake up subconsciously and give myself super powers. In this dream, I flew up in the air ( i generally fly), and floated off to space. Literally. I left the earth, and saw it below me. I decided to come back down. And I landed in Russia. And man, was it beautiful!!! like for real. If I could find a place like where I landed again, i'd never leave. The mountains were breathtaking, the grass green, the houses marvelously (sp??) designed and constructed. I knocked on the door of this Russian family, and spoke Spanish. They looked confused, but a woman (i think she must have been the mother) hugged me, and patted my head. The father guy took me aside, and spoke English with me. I don't remember what he said, but he seemed like the perfect father.
And they gave me a room, and it was so big with luxurious decor. There was this soft maroon couch, and everything metal was made of gold. I felt I was home.
Oh, and my crush was somewhere in the dream too. Wink wink. NO, i don't have a crush. I dont' have those anymore. But the guy I 've liked for too long......ah...sigh....you guys are soooo disappointed in me!!! and you're SOOOO mean! you know who you are. ;) trying to tuffin me up.
Speaking of men. Man, there are some stinking meatheads out there! Two guys thought they were all that at the party on Friday (okay, take a deep breath. Amenah went to a party. It was suppose to be fun), and thought they could dance with me..and, oh, no they didn't!....Uh uh. I dont' get dooooowwwn like that! No sirrrreeee. So, you see, they were St. Olaf boys. They don't know who I am. I gently beat them down. Yep. Okay, I think i hurt their pride a bit, i don't recall exactly what i said to one dude, but i gave him a look---and even in the dark, my LOOK is dangerous--and said something smart...HEH! Guys here, at Carleton, KNOW Amenah doesn't get down like that. On a second note, I am really disappointed in some people. I couldn't believe what I saw! Respectable guys, guys I thought were good, decent. I am so disallusioned. Don't tell me you're just dancing. Baloney squaggle! If I were your girl, uh uhhhh.....NO you wouldn't!
enuf lingo talk.
MY BIRTHDAY was soooooooo nice! thank you, I am soooo blessed with great friends! i'm gettin corny, but thank you thank you thank you!!!
:)
So last night I had this dream. I was sitting down at a table with Kilang, talking genetics. Out of nowhere this girl with short blonde hair takes after me with a pair of scissors, and her intent is to kill me. I have lots of dreams about people trying to kill me. Usually, when I'm being threatened, I wake up subconsciously and give myself super powers. In this dream, I flew up in the air ( i generally fly), and floated off to space. Literally. I left the earth, and saw it below me. I decided to come back down. And I landed in Russia. And man, was it beautiful!!! like for real. If I could find a place like where I landed again, i'd never leave. The mountains were breathtaking, the grass green, the houses marvelously (sp??) designed and constructed. I knocked on the door of this Russian family, and spoke Spanish. They looked confused, but a woman (i think she must have been the mother) hugged me, and patted my head. The father guy took me aside, and spoke English with me. I don't remember what he said, but he seemed like the perfect father.
And they gave me a room, and it was so big with luxurious decor. There was this soft maroon couch, and everything metal was made of gold. I felt I was home.
Oh, and my crush was somewhere in the dream too. Wink wink. NO, i don't have a crush. I dont' have those anymore. But the guy I 've liked for too long......ah...sigh....you guys are soooo disappointed in me!!! and you're SOOOO mean! you know who you are. ;) trying to tuffin me up.
Speaking of men. Man, there are some stinking meatheads out there! Two guys thought they were all that at the party on Friday (okay, take a deep breath. Amenah went to a party. It was suppose to be fun), and thought they could dance with me..and, oh, no they didn't!....Uh uh. I dont' get dooooowwwn like that! No sirrrreeee. So, you see, they were St. Olaf boys. They don't know who I am. I gently beat them down. Yep. Okay, I think i hurt their pride a bit, i don't recall exactly what i said to one dude, but i gave him a look---and even in the dark, my LOOK is dangerous--and said something smart...HEH! Guys here, at Carleton, KNOW Amenah doesn't get down like that. On a second note, I am really disappointed in some people. I couldn't believe what I saw! Respectable guys, guys I thought were good, decent. I am so disallusioned. Don't tell me you're just dancing. Baloney squaggle! If I were your girl, uh uhhhh.....NO you wouldn't!
enuf lingo talk.
MY BIRTHDAY was soooooooo nice! thank you, I am soooo blessed with great friends! i'm gettin corny, but thank you thank you thank you!!!
Saturday, April 30, 2005
I could crash anytime....?
But I am not the pilot.
Mistakes. Wrong turns. Distractions.
But I am not the pilot.
Release a bird. If it comes back to you, then it is yours.
If it does not return, then it was never yours in the first place.
Thank God, I am not the pilot.
Mistakes. Wrong turns. Distractions.
But I am not the pilot.
Release a bird. If it comes back to you, then it is yours.
If it does not return, then it was never yours in the first place.
Thank God, I am not the pilot.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
patience
The Shulamite to Her Beloved
Set me as a seal upon your heart. As a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love. Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for his love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Set me as a seal upon your heart. As a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love. Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for his love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7
I have met my match...!
BoringWhiteMale: velvet underground
AmenahAcid: chocolate covered clouds
BoringWhiteMale: siamese gun fight
AmenahAcid: purple crayon explosion
BoringWhiteMale: poptart surprise war
AmenahAcid: etiological basis of neuronal output
BoringWhiteMale: quantum singularity gamma fission on august 82 1782
AmenahAcid: fried sea water in a cup of mountain air
BoringWhiteMale: king's lava of death in rainbow monster planet
AmenahAcid: flying turtle prints in red paint on a sunday morning in the middle of winter ice
AmenahAcid: HA!
AmenahAcid: this is great
BoringWhiteMale: !!
BoringWhiteMale: synthetic plastic doughnuts go fishign
BoringWhiteMale: fishing
AmenahAcid: icecold ashes metamorphically digress into green lined shadows in your eyes
BoringWhiteMale: metranomes cherish existence in the abyss of monkey hairs beyond this insert key
AmenahAcid: tree frogs
BoringWhiteMale: golf flowers
AmenahAcid: sunny eggs....?
BoringWhiteMale: sunnyside up on the 8th of july of the shish kabob
AmenahAcid: el queso en el dia despues el cinco de maya
AmenahAcid: mayo
AmenahAcid: MAYO
BoringWhiteMale: hahah nice
AmenahAcid: expanision of el dorado kingdom anchored in subsidized housing
AmenahAcid: we are both crazy
BoringWhiteMale: <3<3 x billion
AmenahAcid: look at our dialogue!
AmenahAcid: it takes two babar sisters
AmenahAcid: to do that
BoringWhiteMale: it's poetry!
AmenahAcid: chocolate covered clouds
BoringWhiteMale: siamese gun fight
AmenahAcid: purple crayon explosion
BoringWhiteMale: poptart surprise war
AmenahAcid: etiological basis of neuronal output
BoringWhiteMale: quantum singularity gamma fission on august 82 1782
AmenahAcid: fried sea water in a cup of mountain air
BoringWhiteMale: king's lava of death in rainbow monster planet
AmenahAcid: flying turtle prints in red paint on a sunday morning in the middle of winter ice
AmenahAcid: HA!
AmenahAcid: this is great
BoringWhiteMale: !!
BoringWhiteMale: synthetic plastic doughnuts go fishign
BoringWhiteMale: fishing
AmenahAcid: icecold ashes metamorphically digress into green lined shadows in your eyes
BoringWhiteMale: metranomes cherish existence in the abyss of monkey hairs beyond this insert key
AmenahAcid: tree frogs
BoringWhiteMale: golf flowers
AmenahAcid: sunny eggs....?
BoringWhiteMale: sunnyside up on the 8th of july of the shish kabob
AmenahAcid: el queso en el dia despues el cinco de maya
AmenahAcid: mayo
AmenahAcid: MAYO
BoringWhiteMale: hahah nice
AmenahAcid: expanision of el dorado kingdom anchored in subsidized housing
AmenahAcid: we are both crazy
BoringWhiteMale: <3<3 x billion
AmenahAcid: look at our dialogue!
AmenahAcid: it takes two babar sisters
AmenahAcid: to do that
BoringWhiteMale: it's poetry!
Sunday, April 24, 2005
hmmmmm.....
Man, if I didn't know myself, I'd think I was way too emotional. I am, I guess. But I balance it with strength. I grew up on a farm, k. Let me tell you. Tossing haybells (orisit haybail?) like 70 lbs a piece, makes you strong. I think I was stronger then, though. That's why i need to go work out.
Samara to me last night: "Its a good thing you don't drink."
Me: "I know!"
Samara to me last night: "Its a good thing you don't drink."
Me: "I know!"
Saturday, April 23, 2005
PostComps
So its like 2 am. And i'm restless. My spirit is so restless. I should be exhausted. Last week was amazing. And when I say amazing, I mean God made miracles happen. For one, I passed comps. Now, everyone is saying I"m being hard on myself. But truth is, I would have failed me, if I were my advisor, and had known how much I knew. But she said, "your presentation was excellent--you speak very well-- your paper was well written...though you could have been better prepared fo the question and answer session." Dude, I didn't prepare for that section much. In fact, I started prepping on Thursday night.
I want to thank my wonderful friends for your support. And if you didn't come, I forgive you! ;) you know who you are.
Heh.
So then I went to the opera. I wasn't feeling the opera. ON the way home, it hit me like a wave. It was the wave I've been telling you about. I was overcome with grief. I can't explain it well. But it was a realization of my time here at Carleton is almost up; God's mercy, my wonderful friends, my heartaches, my struggles, my pain, my joy. It was like a rush of silent wind. And I looked into the future. I was overcome with fear of loneliness. I am so scared. I am about to start my life. For real. And I feel so alone. I know God is with me. But I feel sooooooo alone. Its just me.
I feel like I am in some sort of mourning stage. I think its good. Because I've been holding it back for some time now. I need to let things go, and let God work. I have to trust Him with my future. My whole future....my grad school experience (btw, I have sort of accepted U of MI Ann Arbor), my finances, but even most importantly.....that one guy. I always wanted to have known him. to have known him at carleton...i imagined going to the midwinter ball, and being swept off my feet! roses, and dinners, and walks. i wanted to grow with him. to live this time with him. i have loved so much. but.....how can i love that which is never returned? that is the story of my life.
usually, at this point, i would weep. but i think all the tears are gone.
i have cried too much over this one thing. God, I give this up to you.
I want to thank my wonderful friends for your support. And if you didn't come, I forgive you! ;) you know who you are.
Heh.
So then I went to the opera. I wasn't feeling the opera. ON the way home, it hit me like a wave. It was the wave I've been telling you about. I was overcome with grief. I can't explain it well. But it was a realization of my time here at Carleton is almost up; God's mercy, my wonderful friends, my heartaches, my struggles, my pain, my joy. It was like a rush of silent wind. And I looked into the future. I was overcome with fear of loneliness. I am so scared. I am about to start my life. For real. And I feel so alone. I know God is with me. But I feel sooooooo alone. Its just me.
I feel like I am in some sort of mourning stage. I think its good. Because I've been holding it back for some time now. I need to let things go, and let God work. I have to trust Him with my future. My whole future....my grad school experience (btw, I have sort of accepted U of MI Ann Arbor), my finances, but even most importantly.....that one guy. I always wanted to have known him. to have known him at carleton...i imagined going to the midwinter ball, and being swept off my feet! roses, and dinners, and walks. i wanted to grow with him. to live this time with him. i have loved so much. but.....how can i love that which is never returned? that is the story of my life.
usually, at this point, i would weep. but i think all the tears are gone.
i have cried too much over this one thing. God, I give this up to you.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Cookies and time
I like dipping cookies in tea. And I just ate 3 cookies. Yum. Reminds me of what Eric said.
Yes.
Apparently there's this cookie man, who bakes cookies for the dining hall at night. One man. And all those cookies we eat. And at night. While we sleep. Its almost like a fairy tale. Nah, not really.
It also reminds me of what one wise person said to me after I said the food tasted bad at the dining hall. I was a freshman. "Amenah," he said, "Eat your food with gladness." And when I am tempted to say that there's nothing good to eat in the dining hall, I remind myself of that, and the fact that the workers in the dining hall miss their meals with their children and families to cook for us. And I stop myself. God has richly blessed me. I can eat, and eat well!
I remember having to eat lima beans for a month straight. Or cabbage.....or other 'stuff'. And remembering that we didn't always have.
I am now such a rich fool. We all are. God forgive us.
Yes.
Apparently there's this cookie man, who bakes cookies for the dining hall at night. One man. And all those cookies we eat. And at night. While we sleep. Its almost like a fairy tale. Nah, not really.
It also reminds me of what one wise person said to me after I said the food tasted bad at the dining hall. I was a freshman. "Amenah," he said, "Eat your food with gladness." And when I am tempted to say that there's nothing good to eat in the dining hall, I remind myself of that, and the fact that the workers in the dining hall miss their meals with their children and families to cook for us. And I stop myself. God has richly blessed me. I can eat, and eat well!
I remember having to eat lima beans for a month straight. Or cabbage.....or other 'stuff'. And remembering that we didn't always have.
I am now such a rich fool. We all are. God forgive us.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
My beloved is mine, and I am his
"The Shulamite
I am dark but lovely, O daughters of Jersualem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not look upon me because I am dark, because the sun has tanned me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept.
The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall; he is looking through the windows, gazing through the lattice. My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell. Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away!"
My beloved is mine, and I am his.
By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. "I will rise now," I said, "and go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love." I sought him, but did not find him. The watchmen who go aobut the city found me, to whom I said, "Have you seen the one I love?" Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the one I love. I held him and would not let him go....I charge you O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.
The Beloved
Behold, you are fair my love! Behold you are fair! You have dove's eyes behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats, going down from Mount Gilead...You have ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; you have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes, with one link of your necklace. How fair is your love, my sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love...
The Shulamite
I sleep, but my heart is awake; it is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, "open for me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one; for my head is covered with dew, my locks with the drops of the night."....My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him. I arose to open for my beloved....I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart went out to him when he spoke. I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer. The watchmen who went about the city found me. They struck me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took my veil away from me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him I am lovesick!
The Beloved
O my love you are beautiful as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem. Awesome as an army with banners! Turn your eyes away from me, for they have overcome me.
The Shulamite
Make haste, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices."
~The song of songs, which is Solomon's
(Song of Solomon 1,2,3,4,5,6,8)
I am dark but lovely, O daughters of Jersualem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not look upon me because I am dark, because the sun has tanned me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept.
The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall; he is looking through the windows, gazing through the lattice. My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell. Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away!"
My beloved is mine, and I am his.
By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. "I will rise now," I said, "and go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love." I sought him, but did not find him. The watchmen who go aobut the city found me, to whom I said, "Have you seen the one I love?" Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the one I love. I held him and would not let him go....I charge you O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.
The Beloved
Behold, you are fair my love! Behold you are fair! You have dove's eyes behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats, going down from Mount Gilead...You have ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; you have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes, with one link of your necklace. How fair is your love, my sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love...
The Shulamite
I sleep, but my heart is awake; it is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, "open for me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one; for my head is covered with dew, my locks with the drops of the night."....My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him. I arose to open for my beloved....I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart went out to him when he spoke. I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer. The watchmen who went about the city found me. They struck me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took my veil away from me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him I am lovesick!
The Beloved
O my love you are beautiful as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem. Awesome as an army with banners! Turn your eyes away from me, for they have overcome me.
The Shulamite
Make haste, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices."
~The song of songs, which is Solomon's
(Song of Solomon 1,2,3,4,5,6,8)
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Tape Worm
I think I must have a symbiotic relationship going on with a tape worm in my stomach. I'm eating everythin in sight.
Take saltine crackers from Wendy's for instance. It's 3 am in the morning, and I devoured salty crackers! Speaking of crackers, it's funny how tastes and smells can bring you back to a place.
I remember sitting in the teacher's lounge with a bunch of Tican teachers in Cartago Costa Rica. And they always offered me saltine crackers with Costa Rican jam. I was always hungry there too. Yep. And I remember Doctor Pablo (who was super cute, btw) would come by to give the students shots, and he'd always wink at me, and attempt to speak English. He was quite surprised that I was American; of course, that was until I tried a lengthy conversation in Spanish. I think he worked for the Red Cross or something, but he would be giving free medical care to the school and SOS casas in Tres Rios. Ahhh....The Red Cross. Yes, so Andrew tricked me into volunteering for the red cross, but, you know me, I can't give blood. its psychological, right. i need to overcome my fears. Heh. But i'm nothing like Imran, who gets natious even at the sight of blood. As a matter of fact, Imran and hospitals don't get along very well. I remember when we were young, and getting shots and all, they had to get about 5 doctors to hold Imran down, and he was kicking and screaming like there....are you ready?....was 'no tomorrow'. Heh. And they gave me a lollipop, after I had endured the needle. But there's something about the concept of having blood drawn from one's arms...that makes me....eh. even writing it makes me queasy.
wow.
SO i hit the jack pot with my edcuational class. i don't do the reading at all, the professor doesn't grade (yep, you heard me rigth!), and i have been dominating discussions...err...no, not dominating, but i've had things to say at least. he he. our last paper assigment was an autobiography of our high school educational experience. sweetness, right?
but genetics...let me tell you, i have spent the last stinking 5 hours on a problem set. serves me right for always waiting till the last minuto. Like taxes. Yeah, I was the one desperately searching for W-2's, tearing up her room at 10 pm last night. Mmhmm. E-file and easy should not be in the same stinkin sentence. easy.?!??!?? let me tell you about easy!??!?!
did i tell you i hate science? well I DO!!! these stupid scientists with their blasted beakers full of nucleotides don't know diddly squat. pulling things out of the air. that's what. i should have gone to culinary school.
my room is a complete mess. and i need to do laundry.
Oh, and Irish Spring Soap. Ahhh...brings me back to freshmen and sophomore year. Yep. Walking through Burton the other day, and oh, such a great smell! ANd there are colognes i like too, but I don't know the names of them. One reminds me of my father.
tuition bill, did you say? oh, all those envelopes filled with numbers and payment notifications? demanding money from my poor little squeaky clean wells account? (go ahead and rob me, heh heh!) yeah, that thing. ummm...yep, they're under my bed somewhere.
bank robbin training, i'm telling you.
what a day, night, morning.
Take saltine crackers from Wendy's for instance. It's 3 am in the morning, and I devoured salty crackers! Speaking of crackers, it's funny how tastes and smells can bring you back to a place.
I remember sitting in the teacher's lounge with a bunch of Tican teachers in Cartago Costa Rica. And they always offered me saltine crackers with Costa Rican jam. I was always hungry there too. Yep. And I remember Doctor Pablo (who was super cute, btw) would come by to give the students shots, and he'd always wink at me, and attempt to speak English. He was quite surprised that I was American; of course, that was until I tried a lengthy conversation in Spanish. I think he worked for the Red Cross or something, but he would be giving free medical care to the school and SOS casas in Tres Rios. Ahhh....The Red Cross. Yes, so Andrew tricked me into volunteering for the red cross, but, you know me, I can't give blood. its psychological, right. i need to overcome my fears. Heh. But i'm nothing like Imran, who gets natious even at the sight of blood. As a matter of fact, Imran and hospitals don't get along very well. I remember when we were young, and getting shots and all, they had to get about 5 doctors to hold Imran down, and he was kicking and screaming like there....are you ready?....was 'no tomorrow'. Heh. And they gave me a lollipop, after I had endured the needle. But there's something about the concept of having blood drawn from one's arms...that makes me....eh. even writing it makes me queasy.
wow.
SO i hit the jack pot with my edcuational class. i don't do the reading at all, the professor doesn't grade (yep, you heard me rigth!), and i have been dominating discussions...err...no, not dominating, but i've had things to say at least. he he. our last paper assigment was an autobiography of our high school educational experience. sweetness, right?
but genetics...let me tell you, i have spent the last stinking 5 hours on a problem set. serves me right for always waiting till the last minuto. Like taxes. Yeah, I was the one desperately searching for W-2's, tearing up her room at 10 pm last night. Mmhmm. E-file and easy should not be in the same stinkin sentence. easy.?!??!?? let me tell you about easy!??!?!
did i tell you i hate science? well I DO!!! these stupid scientists with their blasted beakers full of nucleotides don't know diddly squat. pulling things out of the air. that's what. i should have gone to culinary school.
my room is a complete mess. and i need to do laundry.
Oh, and Irish Spring Soap. Ahhh...brings me back to freshmen and sophomore year. Yep. Walking through Burton the other day, and oh, such a great smell! ANd there are colognes i like too, but I don't know the names of them. One reminds me of my father.
tuition bill, did you say? oh, all those envelopes filled with numbers and payment notifications? demanding money from my poor little squeaky clean wells account? (go ahead and rob me, heh heh!) yeah, that thing. ummm...yep, they're under my bed somewhere.
bank robbin training, i'm telling you.
what a day, night, morning.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Mixings of honey and vinegar
Ya ever wonder what honey and vinegar taste like?
Just follow me around for a day.
And you'll know.
Take Tuesday for example.
All morning I was moping around from this and that reason. Then all of a sudden, boom! I'm bouncing off the walls with excitement. The therapists, Edaeni and Rashi, shake their heads at my conclusion that "bipolar" is my middle name. But symptomatically, come on guys. I mean, errr....ladies...I have no idea what got into me at dinner, and perhaps you are right, it was due to Mr. Wong's inspirational presence, but I was chattin and beboppin like there was "no tomorrow". Maybe its a defense mechanism. Hitting rock bottom is not an option anymore. Before scraping the rocky edges, I realize that I can not, will not, suffer that again. No. No.
And today, I near broke down and bawled at Sola. I said to myself, "snap out of it Amenah, you are a leader, and you can't be a wimp!" So I put on my bestest smile, and grinned at the world. Full of energy. And I was about to cry because Sam sang the song Imran and I used to sing. I really miss my brother.
That was a nice break from comps. Its one of those all nighters. I have a week to prep for my defense, and my presentation.
Just follow me around for a day.
And you'll know.
Take Tuesday for example.
All morning I was moping around from this and that reason. Then all of a sudden, boom! I'm bouncing off the walls with excitement. The therapists, Edaeni and Rashi, shake their heads at my conclusion that "bipolar" is my middle name. But symptomatically, come on guys. I mean, errr....ladies...I have no idea what got into me at dinner, and perhaps you are right, it was due to Mr. Wong's inspirational presence, but I was chattin and beboppin like there was "no tomorrow". Maybe its a defense mechanism. Hitting rock bottom is not an option anymore. Before scraping the rocky edges, I realize that I can not, will not, suffer that again. No. No.
And today, I near broke down and bawled at Sola. I said to myself, "snap out of it Amenah, you are a leader, and you can't be a wimp!" So I put on my bestest smile, and grinned at the world. Full of energy. And I was about to cry because Sam sang the song Imran and I used to sing. I really miss my brother.
That was a nice break from comps. Its one of those all nighters. I have a week to prep for my defense, and my presentation.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Saturday
How am I feeling?
I'm feeling quite sad. I don't know why. Or maybe I do.
Maybe I'm tired. When I'm tired, I'm sensitive.
It could be the result of a brief case of food poisoning.
Bleh.
Well. This has got to be the world's shortest entry.
I'm feeling quite sad. I don't know why. Or maybe I do.
Maybe I'm tired. When I'm tired, I'm sensitive.
It could be the result of a brief case of food poisoning.
Bleh.
Well. This has got to be the world's shortest entry.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Blessed Be the Name of the LORD
"The Lord is my sheperd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You annoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. " ~A Psalm of King David (23).
I will praise the name of the LORD forever. Though the darkness covers my soul, I will cry out to my LORD and my God, for He is my rock, and my feet are steadfast in His name. He knows my comings in and my goings out, He knows my weakness, and has built my strength in His love. And He has not turned His face from me, though I am not worthy of it. I will praise the name of the LORD forever. He is my fortress and my strength. Though I am surrounded by discouragement and rejection, my King and my God has called me by name, and restored my soul.
I will praise the name of the LORD forever. Though the darkness covers my soul, I will cry out to my LORD and my God, for He is my rock, and my feet are steadfast in His name. He knows my comings in and my goings out, He knows my weakness, and has built my strength in His love. And He has not turned His face from me, though I am not worthy of it. I will praise the name of the LORD forever. He is my fortress and my strength. Though I am surrounded by discouragement and rejection, my King and my God has called me by name, and restored my soul.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Memo to Liberals and Feminists
Dearest Liberals and Feminists:
The last entry was not intentionally suppose to rile you up. The statments were frankly not contraversial enough. I realized that when I punched it out. I only wanted to get your attention. And I had no sparks going off at the time.
Funny thing is, though my closest friends would immediately refute me, I have a splash of liberal and a feminist streak in me. But I do not claim to be either. Because they are crazy. Have you met my friend Edaeni? She's crazy.
She knows I'm kidding though. I love her.
Yours with much affection,
A Radical Raddish
The last entry was not intentionally suppose to rile you up. The statments were frankly not contraversial enough. I realized that when I punched it out. I only wanted to get your attention. And I had no sparks going off at the time.
Funny thing is, though my closest friends would immediately refute me, I have a splash of liberal and a feminist streak in me. But I do not claim to be either. Because they are crazy. Have you met my friend Edaeni? She's crazy.
She knows I'm kidding though. I love her.
Yours with much affection,
A Radical Raddish
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Skittles are falling from the sky
This entry ought to freak out some liberals. feminists. And the like. Heh. I like riling people up.
Ravi Zacharia --an Indian radical--and us girls (the ultra amazings) are discussing relationships. Ah....Love....romance, is in the air! Spring time! Well...aside from my casual flings you all know I have, I am looking forward to something really good. And, get this, this will throw you for a loop, we are all praying for our future husbands together! Heh. Talk about the typical Carleton female.
Though, I am quite bitter at times with this whole department, in fact. I have lost my glittering starry, naive eyes in this matter. But so be it. Disallusioned. Knight in shining armor, this better be worth all the pain I have suffered and endured!
I was telling Mingmer that I wouldn't mind an arranged marriage.....Gasp! No, no....More like courtship; indeed, that's all I will do...Nope, not a dater, not a hater....Wait, that's not to say....I was just trying to rhyme. Dating with the intentions of marriage. I am serious. You think I'm joking. Do I look like it? (glare)
Ultimately, I am going to wait next to the nearest well, and offer the best looking dude that comes by a pitcher of water....Errrrr.....I am going to stand outside of Sayles with a jug, and say, "hey, you look a lil thirsty? would you like a cup of two h's and an O?"
Well, all the pros did it, and got their man. :) I mean, Rebecca (Isaac's wife), and Moses' wife and...(this list goes on)...all they did was water camels and got married. You were thinking, "man, Amenah, that is so 10 minutes ago." Yeah, so what, it was only 2000 years ago. Thas okay. Times really haven't changed that much.
Okay. Fine. The water thing is a bit ol' fashioned. So I'll figure out another way to know the "one". sigh.
At any rate: God, please let him have a nice voice, be kind, open doors, smile at me...but most of all, love You. Amen.
Ravi Zacharia --an Indian radical--and us girls (the ultra amazings) are discussing relationships. Ah....Love....romance, is in the air! Spring time! Well...aside from my casual flings you all know I have, I am looking forward to something really good. And, get this, this will throw you for a loop, we are all praying for our future husbands together! Heh. Talk about the typical Carleton female.
Though, I am quite bitter at times with this whole department, in fact. I have lost my glittering starry, naive eyes in this matter. But so be it. Disallusioned. Knight in shining armor, this better be worth all the pain I have suffered and endured!
I was telling Mingmer that I wouldn't mind an arranged marriage.....Gasp! No, no....More like courtship; indeed, that's all I will do...Nope, not a dater, not a hater....Wait, that's not to say....I was just trying to rhyme. Dating with the intentions of marriage. I am serious. You think I'm joking. Do I look like it? (glare)
Ultimately, I am going to wait next to the nearest well, and offer the best looking dude that comes by a pitcher of water....Errrrr.....I am going to stand outside of Sayles with a jug, and say, "hey, you look a lil thirsty? would you like a cup of two h's and an O?"
Well, all the pros did it, and got their man. :) I mean, Rebecca (Isaac's wife), and Moses' wife and...(this list goes on)...all they did was water camels and got married. You were thinking, "man, Amenah, that is so 10 minutes ago." Yeah, so what, it was only 2000 years ago. Thas okay. Times really haven't changed that much.
Okay. Fine. The water thing is a bit ol' fashioned. So I'll figure out another way to know the "one". sigh.
At any rate: God, please let him have a nice voice, be kind, open doors, smile at me...but most of all, love You. Amen.
Friday, April 01, 2005
The results are in.....
drum roll please.....
Yes indeedio.
By popular opinion, by a hair, it would appear that cutting my hair is not the most favored. To the dismay of the radicals: Rashi and Edae.
Here's the story, you'll get a kick out of this one....
So I have no bizness renting movies, with the budget I'm on, but having been deserted, with nothing better to do, I followed my feet to the movie gallery.
And I find three movies: Osama, Stage Beauty, and Secret Window. (thas alot of $, folks). Anywho, as I check em out, the blonde dude (he must be in his 30's) goes, " you have gorgeous hair."
Me, surpised: "Oh thanks!"
Him: " Not many keep it long these days, too much work, but you shouldn't cut yours."
Me: "How ironic, my friends think I should cut it up to here."
Him: "Oh, no, definitely not...It's great this way."
Him, looking at my movies: "Is this your night?"
Me, excited: "Yes!"
Then he proceeds to introduce himself--shaking my hand!-, Leo I think, give me a free movie rental coupon thing, and say "come back any time". Whoa.
I think I was just hit on...BUt he's 30!?!?
Dude. But I"m almost 22.....AHHH!!!!!
I am flabergasted. I don't know what else to say.
Yes indeedio.
By popular opinion, by a hair, it would appear that cutting my hair is not the most favored. To the dismay of the radicals: Rashi and Edae.
Here's the story, you'll get a kick out of this one....
So I have no bizness renting movies, with the budget I'm on, but having been deserted, with nothing better to do, I followed my feet to the movie gallery.
And I find three movies: Osama, Stage Beauty, and Secret Window. (thas alot of $, folks). Anywho, as I check em out, the blonde dude (he must be in his 30's) goes, " you have gorgeous hair."
Me, surpised: "Oh thanks!"
Him: " Not many keep it long these days, too much work, but you shouldn't cut yours."
Me: "How ironic, my friends think I should cut it up to here."
Him: "Oh, no, definitely not...It's great this way."
Him, looking at my movies: "Is this your night?"
Me, excited: "Yes!"
Then he proceeds to introduce himself--shaking my hand!-, Leo I think, give me a free movie rental coupon thing, and say "come back any time". Whoa.
I think I was just hit on...BUt he's 30!?!?
Dude. But I"m almost 22.....AHHH!!!!!
I am flabergasted. I don't know what else to say.
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