In Class

Yes. I am currently in class. During my doctor class last period, I taught all about blood pressure, and taught students how to take BP. They were a little too excited, and I only had two kits for them to use. So eager to learn. Heh. And we then worked on making presentations for presentation day. They are doing controversial topics--such as stem cell research, abortion, cloning, and euthanasia. They are also practicing PDX, mental examinations, BP, and CPR to present. Yay for medicine. I'm currently watching my Achoo! students work on their diseases. They are having fun tearing up tissue paper for their foam boards, and typing up their information. We got Ebola, Yellow Fever, TB, SARS, Sleeping Sickness represented.

I'm hungry.

I'm coming home soon!

Hmmmmm.......

Oh, and I saw Mingmer and Kils!!!! In Boston! I miss Carl Buds. I should have failed comps just to come back.

Sigh.

clarifying things

okay, so my tag board is going bizerkee.
my msg will prollie show up 10 days from now, so i thought i'd add what i said here.
Edaeni and Rashi and all my VOW sistahs:
if you are confused, i am confused too! but don't worry, i'm in good hands! and you shouldn't be too concerned--unless of course, a specific 'section' in facebook changes...heh! yeah, you know you checked!
i'm still playing a single card---waiting to get married to the RIGHT one. :)

BBQ phone

ha ha! this one's great.
i'm in quincy market, right, that's this huge food market place. i'm standing in line, and i order this bbq chicken sandwich.
the dude (he's this cute Mexican) goes, "would you like anything else with that?"
I'm like, "ummmm....well, what else do you have?"
he goes, "my phone number."
i'm like, speechless. blushing.
he goes, "well....i also have potatoes, rice, etc..."
heh.
that's a great one.

Captivated

"Therefore, I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them, but not find them." Hos. 2:6-7

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengence of our God, to comfor all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil for gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Prophet Isaiah (61:1-3)

motives

yes. Edaeni. Motives.
Webster is our man.
Main Entry: 1mo·tive
Pronunciation: 'mO-tiv, 2 is also mO-'tEv
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French motif, from motif, adjective, moving, from Medieval Latin motivus, from Latin motus, past participle of movEre to move
1 : something (as a need or desire) that causes a person to act
2 : a recurrent phrase or figure that is developed through the course of a musical composition
Entry Word: motive
Function: noun
Text: 1 a major object of interest or concern (as in a discussion or artistic composition) -- see MATTER 1
2 a unit of decoration that is repeated all over something (as a fabric) -- see PATTERN 1
3 something (as a belief) that serves as the basis for another thing -- see REASON 2

I've decided that I simply can not trust people--rather, men. I'm simply trustless. Perhaps I have good reason for this. To be continued. and i mean, to be continued meaning I don't even know. Only God does.

sigh.

"you have the beautiful eyes today (sic)".
that's what he wrote.
sigh.

Sigh

So Imran is back home. He nearly gave my mom a heart attack, actually. Apparently he's lost 30 lbs, and he's considerably underweight. He's weak, feverish, and he refused --at first--to go immediately to the hospital. Again, apparently, he didn't take any malaria pills when he was India. He took one look at the side effects, and stashed the bottle away. Lots of sighs. I am trying my best not to be anxious. I am waiting to hear what the blood tests say. I have it on my mind to jump a plane, go home, and beat him up, affectionately of course. He's still his stubborn self, insisting that he's going to travel to Montana for Byron's wedding, insisting that all is well.....He will only eat tomato soup. Tomato soup!!!

I consoled my mother, who is constantly worried about us, "Mom, I am as plump as ever. Feasting away. And I'm surrounded by cops 24/7." Yes, Wellesley has their own police dept. Heh.

But, dude. I was so upset this morning when I discovered this out. I really wish I could be at home right now. I miss him, and am realllly concerned. All is in God's hands, but my mind is thinking terrible.

If you are reading this....pleeeeeeeeeeeease pray for him.

Quick Update

Okay. So my job is REALLY 24/7. Like, I have NO down time. How am I writing you, you ask? I'm on a break. Heh. No downtime. My first days teaching were a mess! Confusion, forgetting rules, AHHHHHHH!!! I was totally stressed out for the first few days, getting like 5 hours a night for sleep, while on the verge of a breakdown. I'm dead serious. I was about to bawl it all out, and quit. Then Diego came and had dinner with me, and saved me from my terrible day. (Diego is a nice guy from Florida/Indiana/Columbia....ask me about this one Elfie!!!)

Kids are great. Teaching is great. Being an RA is great. BUT doing everything! its insane!!!! impossible!!! but, possible, cuz somehow i--along with other super heroes--are doing it. I'm a superhero. You betta believe it. You no idea what I've been through the last few days. I feel like 10 years older. I've grown grey hairs, and wrinkles. Heh.

This is a terrible post. I mean, there's so much that's happened, I have no idea where to start. Let's just say that God is getting me through all of this. Just between you and me: if you ever apply to a job, make sure you KNOW every thing that is expected of you.....(I have like 10 job titles: teacher, RA, nurse assist, bell hop, quad circler, floater, office assistant, trip coordinator, activity organizer, soccer assistant....even during meals i have to work. OUTRAGEOUS!!! )

DR2B. IMRAN ALI BABAR

2005 Gilliam Fellows

IMRAN BABAR

As a child, Imran Babar saw science unfolding every day on his family’s Minnesota farm as he grew vegetables and raised sheep. When he wasn’t working on the farm, he fashioned spare machine parts into toys. In school, that penchant for hands-on tinkering led Babar into the biology labs, where he found his calling.


article online:
http://www.hhmi.org/news/babar.html

Imran Babar
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Research Field: Developmental Biology
Photo: Amenah Babar
A high-resolution photograph is available on request.
Request a photo


"The more I learned, the more I wanted to know," says Babar, 23, the son of a Pakistani father and a Native American mother. As an undergraduate at Carleton College in Northfield, Minnesota, he found himself especially fascinated by basic cell and molecular biology. A devout Christian, Babar also led a nondenominational Bible study group and played in a campus “praise band.”

During his junior year, Babar won a spot in HHMI’s Exceptional Research Opportunities Program (EXROP), which offers summer research experiences for disadvantaged and minority undergraduates in the labs of HHMI investigators or HHMI professors. He spent his EXROP summer doing research in the lab of HHMI investigator Tyler Jacks, a geneticist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) who studies cancer development.

Babar worked on a project to unravel the role of stem cells in tumor formation. He helped isolate a cell type found in the lung tissue of mice that may be an adult lung stem cell. The research has been accepted for publication in the journal Cell.

“I learned so much through EXROP — how to approach scientific questions, organize projects, collaborate, and more,” says Babar. Perhaps most important, he learned to feel more self-confident. “One of the greatest lessons was that I can be successful in science even in the highest-caliber settings,” Babar remarks. Indeed, Jacks notes that Babar is comfortable not only at the lab bench, but also before a crowd, explaining his experiments and results in formal presentations.

It’s a skill that will serve him well this fall, as he enters Ph.D. studies in the Department of Molecular, Cellular and Developmental Biology at Yale University. Babar says he chose the program for its 30 faculty members’ broad range of research. He also likes the environment at Yale. “The people are friendly and personable, intense and excited,” he says. “I can see myself fitting right in.”

IMRAN's cell article (work at MIT)
Identification of Bronchioalveolar Stem Cells in Normal Lung and Lung Cancer

Carla F. Bender Kim1, Erica L. Jackson1, 3, Amber E. Woolfenden1, 2, Sharon Lawrence1, Imran Babar2, Sinae Vogel1, Denise Crowley1, Roderick T. Bronson4 and Tyler Jacks1, 2, ,

1Center for Cancer Research and Department of Biology, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02139
2Howard Hughes Medical Institute, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02139

Received 30 June 2004;  revised 22 December 2004;  accepted 31 March 2005.  Published: June 16, 2005.  Available online 16 June 2005.

Summary

Injury models have suggested that the lung contains anatomically and functionally distinct epithelial stem cell populations. We have isolated such a regional pulmonary stem cell population, termed bronchioalveolar stem cells (BASCs). Identified at the bronchioalveolar duct junction, BASCs were resistant to bronchiolar and alveolar damage and proliferated during epithelial cell renewal in vivo. BASCs exhibited self-renewal and were multipotent in clonal assays, highlighting their stem cell properties. Furthermore, BASCs expanded in response to oncogenic K-ras in culture and in precursors of lung tumors in vivo. These data support the hypothesis that BASCs are a stem cell population that maintains the bronchiolar Clara cells and alveolar cells of the distal lung and that their transformed counterparts give rise to adenocarcinoma. Although bronchiolar cells and alveolar cells are proposed to be the precursor cells of adenocarcinoma, this work points to BASCs as the putative cells of origin for this subtype of lung cancer.


Imran's PNAS article abstract:

MICROBIOLOGY
Longitudinal analysis of the group A Streptococcus transcriptome in experimental pharyngitis in cynomolgus macaques

Kimmo Virtaneva * , Stephen F. Porcella * , Morag R. Graham * , Robin M. Ireland *, Claire A. Johnson *, Stacy M. Ricklefs *, IMRAN BABAR!!!*, Larye D. Parkins *, Romina A. Romero * , G. Judson Corn *, Don J. Gardner ¶, John R. Bailey ¶, Michael J. Parnell ¶ and James M. Musser *, ||, **

*Laboratory of Human Bacterial Pathogenesis and ¶Veterinary Branch, Rocky Mountain Laboratories, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, National Institutes of Health, Hamilton, MT 59840; and ||Center for Human Bacterial Pathogenesis Research, Department of Pathology, Baylor College of Medicine, One Baylor Plaza, Houston, TX 77030

Communicated by Richard M. Krause, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, MD, May 10, 2005 (received for review March 3, 2005)

Identification of the genetic events that contribute to host–pathogen interactions is important for understanding the natural history of infectious diseases and developing therapeutics. Transcriptome studies conducted on pathogens have been central to this goal in recent years. However, most of these investigations have focused on specific end points or disease phases, rather than analysis of the entire time course of infection. To gain a more complete understanding of how bacterial gene expression changes over time in a primate host, the transcriptome of group A Streptococcus (GAS) was analyzed during an 86-day infection protocol in 20 cynomolgus macaques with experimental pharyngitis. The study used 260 custom Affymetrix (Santa Clara, CA) chips, and data were confirmed by TaqMan analysis. Colonization, acute, and asymptomatic phases of disease were identified. Successful colonization and severe inflammation were significantly correlated with an early onset of superantigen gene expression. The differential expression of two-component regulators covR and spy0680 (M1_spy0874) was significantly associated with GAS colony-forming units, inflammation, and phases of disease. Prophage virulence gene expression and prophage induction occurred predominantly during high pathogen cell densities and acute inflammation. We discovered that temporal changes in the GAS transcriptome were integrally linked to the phase of clinical disease and host-defense response. Knowledge of the gene expression patterns characterizing each phase of pathogen–host interaction provides avenues for targeted investigation of proven and putative virulence factors and genes of unknown function and will assist vaccine research.

Procrastination????!!

Yeah. I'm procrastinating. I'm suppose to be preparing for my classes. I visited my class, and man, is it well stocked! i am soooo excited. for real. i'm also teaching next to a star. no, really! you don't believe me. His name is Alex, he's got this great accent, he's teaching physics next door, and he's a gentlemen. Oh, and he goes to school with Prince William. He's not chaps with him or nothin, but they've taken classes, etc. But my seventh sense figures this Alex dude must be high up there too, since he's hung out with some other pretty big guys, met Clinton on the golf course, that type of thing.

But Alex is soooo sweet! I mean, he's like one of those cordial British/Scottish (I haven't figured out what he is) guys, who insists on opening every single door, and is convinced that I'm going to faint at every task and does them for me. Like we were suppose to make this poster, he not only insisted on getting the board for me, but makes the thing. And retrieves my first aid kit, and gets all my papers..okay, you get the picture.

That's the end of this one.

Btown III

This will be my third time, but first time alone, to Btown.
I'm safe and sound, thanks to God's secret agents. Did I ever tell you that I'm stupid? Well, if you were ever suspicious, this will confirm your spider sense tingles. I'm not bright, no, no, this country gal's got alot to learn.

My plane was cancelled. I had to be in Boston the next day. So I risked it, and changed flights. K? Well, my new flight involved having to catch a connection in Chicago. I could have missed it. And have been stuck in Chicago for a night. Well, I made it, because the airline made the connecting flight wait 30 minutes for me, and my four new friends--a professor from St. Cloud, a German, and two Britney Spears.

I arrived in Boston at 11pm. Smart thing to do would have been to call a cab. I said to myself, "ah, i'll save myself $80 and take the T station, to the South Station, to the Commuter, to the Worcester Stop(NOT pronounced war-chester, i was corrected 10 times) . Yep. Easy. Piece a' cake." I made it through the T---BARELY--and by protection from Up Above. You heard me. Picture it. A short brown girl, wearing an ELMO t-shirt, with 2 huge luggage bags filled with appliances and 2 carry ons. It's night. It's in an underground subway. The T-station. There are tough looking men everywhere, and one tough looking woman. I was the only naive, ignorant girl with four bags. I could have missed the LAST train, had it not been for a knight in shining armor who wisked up my stubborn--inmobile--bag and rolled/carried it for me. He then preceded to show me where I needed to go, and took both of my bags (after glancing back, and seeing that I was about to collapse in exhaustion and frustration). He took me farther than his stop. And then when he had to leave, yet another knight in shining armor took the other bag, replacing the other dude. You ask, "why did you trust these two random strangers?" Because you just know when to trust. They were trustworthy.

Okay. Well. I eventually ended up calling a cab anyways, because it ended up being like 2:30 am. And it still cost an arm and a leg. And I tipped the dude $2. I think I insulted him. But that was all I had. I think he realized I was a broke college student, since he dropped me off at Wellesley.

The past two days of Orientation, I have learned that not only am I going to be a teacher of two classes, but I'm also leading an hour long activity every other day, an assistant soccer coach, an RA--which includes entertaining the munchkins 24/7, being a counselor, an advisor, arrangeing floor activities, leading discussions on...sex and sexuality.....oh dear. what have i gotten myself into??????

Well. I'm here. and I'm gonna make it! And i refuse to not enjoy this time.

Random advice: don't pack liquid detergent in your luggage containing your CD player, your lamp, and your clock. I don't care how well you wrap/package it. I don't care how rushed you are. Go and buy powder detergent. I'm now without a functioning alarm clock. I need to go to target. Yet, I don't have any time, nor a car.

Things are good. Really, they are. I'm just overwhelmed. I think I could use a few extra break days. :)

Did I mention Wellesley is bEEEEEautiful???? Man, these girls got the whole nine yards out here. luxury and all.

me me me me me....!

So what in the world has Amenah been doing these past few weeks?

1. taking finals. i had a genetics test. heh.
2. enjoying senior week, soliciting seniors for money....errr... slacking on the biz.

• prom: hittin the street in red! but where was my waltz with Prince Charmin?? (did you see the lovely balloons at the grand??they were my doing! you like the invites? yep, that too was my contrib to the "prom committee"...heheheheh)
• gameworks: boxing like 10 rounds! i'm a champ. i tol you, Joe Louis is my hero. it's not really in my blood, but my grandpa (you know, the professional boxer related to the Brown Bomber???), now he taught me how to uppercut 'em. man, that game was terrible fun. i got a work out, and my arms were sore, but sweeeeet! knocked 'em out good, thas what i did.
• night at the reub. not that much fun. bleh. too many people, it rained, and i had wet socks.
• oh, and the whole car thing. i hate cars. so i had left my lights on during the international festival. got my car, Imran's car, jumped by Cheryl Fricke and Stephen Kampa. then ran it for 30 minutes. came back two days later, dead car. got another jump. went to the guys at Napa auto parts, had the battery tested, "well, honey, whatcha got to do, now, is run your car for like 2 hours...that'll charge 'er up. most people, they don't know that 30 minutes really aint that much chargin." I charged 'er up alright, drove around for about 2hours. parked it. came back two hours later, had a flat tire. A FLAT TIRE. and a DEAD Battery. so, then me gets real mad, and me gets a stinking new battery, tries to install it herself....David Derksen is my hero for putting my donut tire on. and my uncle is my hero for installing the battery. hey, i tried. and SMARS and EBONY are my heroines for their support, encouragement, prayers! (heh, Hari walks by --he's this tall Indian dude-- and he's like, "so what seems to be the problem here?" me explaining. "oh." he takes my tool, taps the side of the battery a couple times, a bit uncertain, hands it back, and says, "good luck!")
• champagne reception. good food. kinda silly, pretending to be adults. well i guess we are. NO. amenah didn't drink, much to Collin's dismay. I WILL NEVER DRINK!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! i don't care if i thought the lemonade drink was spiked and refused to drink it, that i'm uneducated to make the right decision (Collin!), and I'm a fraggle.
• Friday. the day before the end of the world: still packing, still doing stuff, missed ALL the receptions due to miscommunications, had to pick up relatives at various places. made it back in time to discover Dr. Karim chattin away with Damon at the bottom of Davis...Damon seemed to be quite amused. He came early, but we had dinner. Dr. Karim made me a deal. After Yale and U of MI accepted me and forgot to give me any money, Dr. Karim says, "hey, give me your application, i'll give you a free ride, with stipend, and you don't have to be a TA." So, me's applying. should prollie inform U of MI sometime. oh, and Rakisha's and Sooms and Patty's and Collin's wonderful reception. then the exhaustion and sadness hit me for like 5 minutes. shrugged it off, and did the rest of the stuff...i can't recall all of it. such a blur.
• Graduation. Dan Rossow calls me at 2 am. 2 AM!!! i'm exhausted, I had just crawled into bed 30 minutes before, and tell him i'm graduating the next day. silly Dan. let's stop there. what a day. maybe some other time, eh?

So now what, you ask?

I am going to Btown again. To teach lil rugrats somethin 'bout the immune system and to weed them out --scare em away from wanting to be medical doctors. i 'm still tired. haven't made up from finals week. thas okay. i'm a roadrunner, like imran. errr...rather, the energizer bunny wabbit.

WHEN IS IMRAN COMING HOME?????????!!!!!??????!!!!!

i love you all. i'm sorry for disappearing for like a week. i'll tell you more later......

Translucent day

It is as clear as day.
It reminds me.
Of Dr. K.
Dr. Karim.
I was just 15 when I met this short, Bengali man, and he grinned at me.
We were walking through a hallway at UMD, I was wide eyed as I usually am in big places with lots of people; people who looked like me, people i had never seen my entire life. until one day. one day. so i was suppose to be getting into medicine. i was native. i still am native. and the program was for natives. to get them into medicine, cuz, man , the' aint no native docs. i'm only 1/4. but still. thas k.

Dr. Karim was my mentor. Imran, Autumn, Nina, and....me. with college students and Dr. Karim and Dr. Amjad. and we were curing HSV-I and II with plant extracts--Jerusalem Cherry and St. Johns wort.

I didn't know you then, of course. But I know you now.

I miss Dr. Karim. Last year, he fell in a man hole in Bangladesh. He was visiting his mother, who was sick. The doctors told him he would never walk again. They made him take off of work. They told him to stop teaching. He said, "Never!" and now he is walking. I saw him last summer, and he as usual, forced me to eat eat eat. Like all South Asian men. I remember how he used to yell at Imran and smile at me. Imran was convinced Uncle Raj hated him. (Uncle Raj= Dr. Karim). But no. He discovered it was tough love.

We embraced when I left. Dr. Karim is one of the main reasons I'm here at Carleton. (can we say, recommendation????)

I just thought of this, cuz I was writing out invitations to my graduation. Sigh.

Praise Him

My God, You have been faithful to me and throughout every generation. In my sleep, You speak to me. You comfort me. I am not afraid of the day or the night, because You have walked by my side all the days of my life. In my mother's womb, You knew me. You formed my heart, and my name was already in Yours. I was created to sing praises to You all my life. Be it far from me, that which would separate me from Your love. May oceans come between that which would and I. Oh my God, and my King, I will sing praises to You all my life. When I have asked You for bread, You have never given me a stone. For You have been good to me. A Father You have been to me. I do not fill my head with worrying about tomorrow, because You have never left my side. My God, my days are numbered in Your time, and I will serve You all the days of my life.

This is to you, our beloved CSA!!! thanks for the whole $10!!! What a budget!
bobviewing

So, we had our last Sola leadership mtg. Wow. Time has flown.
bobviewing

Muchas gracias!

Thank you Smars, Edaeni, and Rashi for making me a gigantic cookie;
Thank you Cheryl and Mingmer for filling my room with balloons, for the beautiful white roses, and breakfast.
Thank you Sooms and Emily for making the delicious YUMMY cake.
I love you all!
AND thanks for all the flowers, the notes, the gifts....sigh...I am so blessed to have such great friends and family. My heart is overwhelmed.

Huge COOKIE!!!!
bobviewing

bday surprise in the snack bar!! you guys are awesome!! thank you so much! i love you i love you i LOVE you.
bobviewing

Imran, come back from India!!!
bobviewing

the sun just set on the chapel.
bobviewing

awww! Deb n Me.
bobviewing

CARMEN. my night at the opera.
bobviewing

Ommie! Bday and Mother's day
bobviewing

Dr. Azra baji! her 29th bday!
bobviewing

desis! squishing Kilang!
bobviewing

What are you doing Forrest?
bobviewing

Cheryl and Sooms....Thanks Soo Mie for makin a delicious cake!
bobviewing

i'm 22!!
bobviewing

Run Charles! Look at that pass!
bobviewing

Anthony's fellowship talk...mmmm...good food Wong!
bobviewing

Block those NMDA recpetors Edaeni!! stop reconsolidation! (oh, and that's Mike, btw!)
bobviewing

Rashi is saving William's children...Psych talk.
bobviewing

I passed!
bobviewing

This is how I was before my talk.
bobviewing

i'm white!!

heh. that last post was pathetic. ridiculously so. and this one is no match for Samara and Rashika. I'm tryin to oust you...I AM trying. i'm the underdawg, coming back with a comeback. Heh. Though, Edaeni, i'm entirely disappointed in you.

so, yeah, i was entirely too sleep today. and in class...btw my urban ed class is not a class--we NEVEr discuss readings!! I don't even look at the syllabus anymore. this is terrible. and i feel i should feel bad about it. i am learning, sometimes though. its helpful for my summer teaching program. anywho, so i literally fell asleep today. i could NOT for the life of me keep my eyes open. i've never done this in class. and then, my neurons fired off a good one, and a question popped out of my mouth. jsut like that, all was good again. I woke myself up by asking a question. BRILLIANT. it reminds me of this time once, when a dude fell asleep next to me during a guest lecture (rashi, you be quiet!!!). and out of nowhere, his arm bolted up, and he asked the most random question. what was weird was, that although I had been listening to this guest the whole time, i had no idea what he was asking. but apparently he had picked up on some detail, and extrapolated it. wow. maybe that's what i did.

so yeah, I'm white. i got in a fight with a curling iron the other day. my reflexes were too sleepy, and i ended up with this huge, okay medium sized, welt on my forehead. I had people, like Kilang, asking me if that was a birthmark. HOney, if it were a birthmark, you wouldv'e noticed!!! i hope!! smirk.

wait, where was i going with this? oh yeah, so i'm feelin all self-conscious about it cuz everyone is asking me : "what happened?!?!!" me to Mike: "you should see the other guy" (cheryl's insight)...Mike: "really, you? in a fight???" well, i've been plastering the burn with neosporin, beggin God not to punish me for my vanity (vanity of vanities saith the Lord~ Proverbs somewhere), and TODAY, it peeled off.....AND you wanna know what?? it's WHITE!!!! i've been hiding it. yep. now the Italian and French and Swedish has COME out.

okay, that was lame. i'm absolutely boring. i don't know how i got this way. its cuz i'm done with comps.

Let's talk about Mike again. Well. Mike's a good guy really, he is. But I've been pretending to be mad at him. CUz he entirely forgot my Bday...not, that's not entirely true. he remembered, but he wouldn't come to my party without his buddies. cuz he's afraid of me. i think the marriage thing freaked him out.

no, just messing. Mike. You need to party. Really. :) it'll help your application resumes.

i'm done now. i have to go.

an update

It has been some time, eh? miss me?

:)

So last night I had this dream. I was sitting down at a table with Kilang, talking genetics. Out of nowhere this girl with short blonde hair takes after me with a pair of scissors, and her intent is to kill me. I have lots of dreams about people trying to kill me. Usually, when I'm being threatened, I wake up subconsciously and give myself super powers. In this dream, I flew up in the air ( i generally fly), and floated off to space. Literally. I left the earth, and saw it below me. I decided to come back down. And I landed in Russia. And man, was it beautiful!!! like for real. If I could find a place like where I landed again, i'd never leave. The mountains were breathtaking, the grass green, the houses marvelously (sp??) designed and constructed. I knocked on the door of this Russian family, and spoke Spanish. They looked confused, but a woman (i think she must have been the mother) hugged me, and patted my head. The father guy took me aside, and spoke English with me. I don't remember what he said, but he seemed like the perfect father.

And they gave me a room, and it was so big with luxurious decor. There was this soft maroon couch, and everything metal was made of gold. I felt I was home.

Oh, and my crush was somewhere in the dream too. Wink wink. NO, i don't have a crush. I dont' have those anymore. But the guy I 've liked for too long......ah...sigh....you guys are soooo disappointed in me!!! and you're SOOOO mean! you know who you are. ;) trying to tuffin me up.
Speaking of men. Man, there are some stinking meatheads out there! Two guys thought they were all that at the party on Friday (okay, take a deep breath. Amenah went to a party. It was suppose to be fun), and thought they could dance with me..and, oh, no they didn't!....Uh uh. I dont' get dooooowwwn like that! No sirrrreeee. So, you see, they were St. Olaf boys. They don't know who I am. I gently beat them down. Yep. Okay, I think i hurt their pride a bit, i don't recall exactly what i said to one dude, but i gave him a look---and even in the dark, my LOOK is dangerous--and said something smart...HEH! Guys here, at Carleton, KNOW Amenah doesn't get down like that. On a second note, I am really disappointed in some people. I couldn't believe what I saw! Respectable guys, guys I thought were good, decent. I am so disallusioned. Don't tell me you're just dancing. Baloney squaggle! If I were your girl, uh uhhhh.....NO you wouldn't!

enuf lingo talk.

MY BIRTHDAY was soooooooo nice! thank you, I am soooo blessed with great friends! i'm gettin corny, but thank you thank you thank you!!!

I could crash anytime....?

But I am not the pilot.
Mistakes. Wrong turns. Distractions.
But I am not the pilot.
Release a bird. If it comes back to you, then it is yours.
If it does not return, then it was never yours in the first place.
Thank God, I am not the pilot.

patience

The Shulamite to Her Beloved

Set me as a seal upon your heart. As a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love. Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for his love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7

I have met my match...!

BoringWhiteMale: velvet underground
AmenahAcid: chocolate covered clouds
BoringWhiteMale: siamese gun fight
AmenahAcid: purple crayon explosion
BoringWhiteMale: poptart surprise war
AmenahAcid: etiological basis of neuronal output
BoringWhiteMale: quantum singularity gamma fission on august 82 1782
AmenahAcid: fried sea water in a cup of mountain air
BoringWhiteMale: king's lava of death in rainbow monster planet
AmenahAcid: flying turtle prints in red paint on a sunday morning in the middle of winter ice
AmenahAcid: HA!
AmenahAcid: this is great
BoringWhiteMale: !!
BoringWhiteMale: synthetic plastic doughnuts go fishign
BoringWhiteMale: fishing
AmenahAcid: icecold ashes metamorphically digress into green lined shadows in your eyes
BoringWhiteMale: metranomes cherish existence in the abyss of monkey hairs beyond this insert key
AmenahAcid: tree frogs
BoringWhiteMale: golf flowers
AmenahAcid: sunny eggs....?
BoringWhiteMale: sunnyside up on the 8th of july of the shish kabob
AmenahAcid: el queso en el dia despues el cinco de maya
AmenahAcid: mayo
AmenahAcid: MAYO
BoringWhiteMale: hahah nice
AmenahAcid: expanision of el dorado kingdom anchored in subsidized housing
AmenahAcid: we are both crazy
BoringWhiteMale: <3<3 x billion
AmenahAcid: look at our dialogue!
AmenahAcid: it takes two babar sisters
AmenahAcid: to do that
BoringWhiteMale: it's poetry!

post hair cut!!
bobviewing

Rashi's beauty shop!
bobviewing

Post Comps Talk!! before interrogation!! ahhhh!
bobviewing

my Rashi....
bobviewing

the trio in red...
bobviewing

hmmmmm.....

Man, if I didn't know myself, I'd think I was way too emotional. I am, I guess. But I balance it with strength. I grew up on a farm, k. Let me tell you. Tossing haybells (orisit haybail?) like 70 lbs a piece, makes you strong. I think I was stronger then, though. That's why i need to go work out.

Samara to me last night: "Its a good thing you don't drink."
Me: "I know!"

PostComps

So its like 2 am. And i'm restless. My spirit is so restless. I should be exhausted. Last week was amazing. And when I say amazing, I mean God made miracles happen. For one, I passed comps. Now, everyone is saying I"m being hard on myself. But truth is, I would have failed me, if I were my advisor, and had known how much I knew. But she said, "your presentation was excellent--you speak very well-- your paper was well written...though you could have been better prepared fo the question and answer session." Dude, I didn't prepare for that section much. In fact, I started prepping on Thursday night.

I want to thank my wonderful friends for your support. And if you didn't come, I forgive you! ;) you know who you are.

Heh.

So then I went to the opera. I wasn't feeling the opera. ON the way home, it hit me like a wave. It was the wave I've been telling you about. I was overcome with grief. I can't explain it well. But it was a realization of my time here at Carleton is almost up; God's mercy, my wonderful friends, my heartaches, my struggles, my pain, my joy. It was like a rush of silent wind. And I looked into the future. I was overcome with fear of loneliness. I am so scared. I am about to start my life. For real. And I feel so alone. I know God is with me. But I feel sooooooo alone. Its just me.

I feel like I am in some sort of mourning stage. I think its good. Because I've been holding it back for some time now. I need to let things go, and let God work. I have to trust Him with my future. My whole future....my grad school experience (btw, I have sort of accepted U of MI Ann Arbor), my finances, but even most importantly.....that one guy. I always wanted to have known him. to have known him at carleton...i imagined going to the midwinter ball, and being swept off my feet! roses, and dinners, and walks. i wanted to grow with him. to live this time with him. i have loved so much. but.....how can i love that which is never returned? that is the story of my life.

usually, at this point, i would weep. but i think all the tears are gone.
i have cried too much over this one thing. God, I give this up to you.

Cookies and time

I like dipping cookies in tea. And I just ate 3 cookies. Yum. Reminds me of what Eric said.
Yes.

Apparently there's this cookie man, who bakes cookies for the dining hall at night. One man. And all those cookies we eat. And at night. While we sleep. Its almost like a fairy tale. Nah, not really.

It also reminds me of what one wise person said to me after I said the food tasted bad at the dining hall. I was a freshman. "Amenah," he said, "Eat your food with gladness." And when I am tempted to say that there's nothing good to eat in the dining hall, I remind myself of that, and the fact that the workers in the dining hall miss their meals with their children and families to cook for us. And I stop myself. God has richly blessed me. I can eat, and eat well!

I remember having to eat lima beans for a month straight. Or cabbage.....or other 'stuff'. And remembering that we didn't always have.

I am now such a rich fool. We all are. God forgive us.

My beloved is mine, and I am his

"The Shulamite

I am dark but lovely, O daughters of Jersualem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not look upon me because I am dark, because the sun has tanned me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept.

The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall; he is looking through the windows, gazing through the lattice. My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell. Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away!"

My beloved is mine, and I am his.

By night on my bed I sought the one I love; I sought him, but I did not find him. "I will rise now," I said, "and go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I will seek the one I love." I sought him, but did not find him. The watchmen who go aobut the city found me, to whom I said, "Have you seen the one I love?" Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the one I love. I held him and would not let him go....I charge you O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.

The Beloved
Behold, you are fair my love! Behold you are fair! You have dove's eyes behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats, going down from Mount Gilead...You have ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; you have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes, with one link of your necklace. How fair is your love, my sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love...

The Shulamite
I sleep, but my heart is awake; it is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, "open for me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one; for my head is covered with dew, my locks with the drops of the night."....My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him. I arose to open for my beloved....I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart went out to him when he spoke. I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer. The watchmen who went about the city found me. They struck me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took my veil away from me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him I am lovesick!

The Beloved
O my love you are beautiful as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem. Awesome as an army with banners! Turn your eyes away from me, for they have overcome me.

The Shulamite
Make haste, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices."

~The song of songs, which is Solomon's
(Song of Solomon 1,2,3,4,5,6,8)

Tape Worm

I think I must have a symbiotic relationship going on with a tape worm in my stomach. I'm eating everythin in sight.

Take saltine crackers from Wendy's for instance. It's 3 am in the morning, and I devoured salty crackers! Speaking of crackers, it's funny how tastes and smells can bring you back to a place.

I remember sitting in the teacher's lounge with a bunch of Tican teachers in Cartago Costa Rica. And they always offered me saltine crackers with Costa Rican jam. I was always hungry there too. Yep. And I remember Doctor Pablo (who was super cute, btw) would come by to give the students shots, and he'd always wink at me, and attempt to speak English. He was quite surprised that I was American; of course, that was until I tried a lengthy conversation in Spanish. I think he worked for the Red Cross or something, but he would be giving free medical care to the school and SOS casas in Tres Rios. Ahhh....The Red Cross. Yes, so Andrew tricked me into volunteering for the red cross, but, you know me, I can't give blood. its psychological, right. i need to overcome my fears. Heh. But i'm nothing like Imran, who gets natious even at the sight of blood. As a matter of fact, Imran and hospitals don't get along very well. I remember when we were young, and getting shots and all, they had to get about 5 doctors to hold Imran down, and he was kicking and screaming like there....are you ready?....was 'no tomorrow'. Heh. And they gave me a lollipop, after I had endured the needle. But there's something about the concept of having blood drawn from one's arms...that makes me....eh. even writing it makes me queasy.

wow.

SO i hit the jack pot with my edcuational class. i don't do the reading at all, the professor doesn't grade (yep, you heard me rigth!), and i have been dominating discussions...err...no, not dominating, but i've had things to say at least. he he. our last paper assigment was an autobiography of our high school educational experience. sweetness, right?

but genetics...let me tell you, i have spent the last stinking 5 hours on a problem set. serves me right for always waiting till the last minuto. Like taxes. Yeah, I was the one desperately searching for W-2's, tearing up her room at 10 pm last night. Mmhmm. E-file and easy should not be in the same stinkin sentence. easy.?!??!?? let me tell you about easy!??!?!

did i tell you i hate science? well I DO!!! these stupid scientists with their blasted beakers full of nucleotides don't know diddly squat. pulling things out of the air. that's what. i should have gone to culinary school.

my room is a complete mess. and i need to do laundry.

Oh, and Irish Spring Soap. Ahhh...brings me back to freshmen and sophomore year. Yep. Walking through Burton the other day, and oh, such a great smell! ANd there are colognes i like too, but I don't know the names of them. One reminds me of my father.

tuition bill, did you say? oh, all those envelopes filled with numbers and payment notifications? demanding money from my poor little squeaky clean wells account? (go ahead and rob me, heh heh!) yeah, that thing. ummm...yep, they're under my bed somewhere.

bank robbin training, i'm telling you.

what a day, night, morning.

Mixings of honey and vinegar

Ya ever wonder what honey and vinegar taste like?
Just follow me around for a day.
And you'll know.
Take Tuesday for example.
All morning I was moping around from this and that reason. Then all of a sudden, boom! I'm bouncing off the walls with excitement. The therapists, Edaeni and Rashi, shake their heads at my conclusion that "bipolar" is my middle name. But symptomatically, come on guys. I mean, errr....ladies...I have no idea what got into me at dinner, and perhaps you are right, it was due to Mr. Wong's inspirational presence, but I was chattin and beboppin like there was "no tomorrow". Maybe its a defense mechanism. Hitting rock bottom is not an option anymore. Before scraping the rocky edges, I realize that I can not, will not, suffer that again. No. No.

And today, I near broke down and bawled at Sola. I said to myself, "snap out of it Amenah, you are a leader, and you can't be a wimp!" So I put on my bestest smile, and grinned at the world. Full of energy. And I was about to cry because Sam sang the song Imran and I used to sing. I really miss my brother.

That was a nice break from comps. Its one of those all nighters. I have a week to prep for my defense, and my presentation.

Saturday

How am I feeling?
I'm feeling quite sad. I don't know why. Or maybe I do.
Maybe I'm tired. When I'm tired, I'm sensitive.
It could be the result of a brief case of food poisoning.
Bleh.

Well. This has got to be the world's shortest entry.

Blessed Be the Name of the LORD

"The Lord is my sheperd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You annoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. " ~A Psalm of King David (23).

I will praise the name of the LORD forever. Though the darkness covers my soul, I will cry out to my LORD and my God, for He is my rock, and my feet are steadfast in His name. He knows my comings in and my goings out, He knows my weakness, and has built my strength in His love. And He has not turned His face from me, though I am not worthy of it. I will praise the name of the LORD forever. He is my fortress and my strength. Though I am surrounded by discouragement and rejection, my King and my God has called me by name, and restored my soul.

Memo to Liberals and Feminists

Dearest Liberals and Feminists:
The last entry was not intentionally suppose to rile you up. The statments were frankly not contraversial enough. I realized that when I punched it out. I only wanted to get your attention. And I had no sparks going off at the time.
Funny thing is, though my closest friends would immediately refute me, I have a splash of liberal and a feminist streak in me. But I do not claim to be either. Because they are crazy. Have you met my friend Edaeni? She's crazy.

She knows I'm kidding though. I love her.

Yours with much affection,
A Radical Raddish

Skittles are falling from the sky

This entry ought to freak out some liberals. feminists. And the like. Heh. I like riling people up.

Ravi Zacharia --an Indian radical--and us girls (the ultra amazings) are discussing relationships. Ah....Love....romance, is in the air! Spring time! Well...aside from my casual flings you all know I have, I am looking forward to something really good. And, get this, this will throw you for a loop, we are all praying for our future husbands together! Heh. Talk about the typical Carleton female.
Though, I am quite bitter at times with this whole department, in fact. I have lost my glittering starry, naive eyes in this matter. But so be it. Disallusioned. Knight in shining armor, this better be worth all the pain I have suffered and endured!

I was telling Mingmer that I wouldn't mind an arranged marriage.....Gasp! No, no....More like courtship; indeed, that's all I will do...Nope, not a dater, not a hater....Wait, that's not to say....I was just trying to rhyme. Dating with the intentions of marriage. I am serious. You think I'm joking. Do I look like it? (glare)

Ultimately, I am going to wait next to the nearest well, and offer the best looking dude that comes by a pitcher of water....Errrrr.....I am going to stand outside of Sayles with a jug, and say, "hey, you look a lil thirsty? would you like a cup of two h's and an O?"

Well, all the pros did it, and got their man. :) I mean, Rebecca (Isaac's wife), and Moses' wife and...(this list goes on)...all they did was water camels and got married. You were thinking, "man, Amenah, that is so 10 minutes ago." Yeah, so what, it was only 2000 years ago. Thas okay. Times really haven't changed that much.

Okay. Fine. The water thing is a bit ol' fashioned. So I'll figure out another way to know the "one". sigh.

At any rate: God, please let him have a nice voice, be kind, open doors, smile at me...but most of all, love You. Amen.

The results are in.....

drum roll please.....

Yes indeedio.

By popular opinion, by a hair, it would appear that cutting my hair is not the most favored. To the dismay of the radicals: Rashi and Edae.

Here's the story, you'll get a kick out of this one....
So I have no bizness renting movies, with the budget I'm on, but having been deserted, with nothing better to do, I followed my feet to the movie gallery.

And I find three movies: Osama, Stage Beauty, and Secret Window. (thas alot of $, folks). Anywho, as I check em out, the blonde dude (he must be in his 30's) goes, " you have gorgeous hair."
Me, surpised: "Oh thanks!"
Him: " Not many keep it long these days, too much work, but you shouldn't cut yours."
Me: "How ironic, my friends think I should cut it up to here."
Him: "Oh, no, definitely not...It's great this way."
Him, looking at my movies: "Is this your night?"
Me, excited: "Yes!"
Then he proceeds to introduce himself--shaking my hand!-, Leo I think, give me a free movie rental coupon thing, and say "come back any time". Whoa.
I think I was just hit on...BUt he's 30!?!?
Dude. But I"m almost 22.....AHHH!!!!!

I am flabergasted. I don't know what else to say.

Betrayed

“Eli Eli, lama sabachthani?”

Matt 27:46

“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? Why are You so far from helping Me, and from the words of My groaning? O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear; And in the night season, and am not silent. But You are holy, who inhabit the praises of Israel. Our fathers trusted in You; They trusted, and You delivered them. They cried to You, and were delivered; They trusted in You, and were not ashamed. But I am a worm, and no man; A reproach of men and despised of people. All those who see Me laugh Me to scorn; they shoot out the lip, they shake the head saying, 'He trusted in the LORD, let Him rescue Him; Let Him deliver Him since He delights in Him!

But you are He who took Me out of the womb; You made Me trust when I was on my mother's breasts. I was cast upon You from birth. From My mother's womb You have been My God. Be not far from Me, for trouble is near; for there is none to help.

Many bulls have surrounded Me; strong bulls of Bashan have encircled Me. They gape at Me with their mouths as a raging and roaring lion.

I am poured out like water, and all My bones are out of joint; My heart is like wax; it has melted within Me. My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and My tongue clings to My jaws; You have brought Me to the dust of death. For dogs have surrounded Me; the assembly of the wicked has enclosed Me. They pierced My hands and My feet; I cant count all My bones. They look and stare at Me. They divide My garments among them, and for My clothing they cast lots....”

Psalm 22

“Who has believed our report? And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed? For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant, ,and as a root out of dry ground. He has no form or comeliness; and when we see Him, there is not beauty that we should desire Him. He is despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, ,He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him. And by His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth...”

Isaiah 53

“A voice was heard in Ramah, ,lamentation and bitter weeping, Rachel weeping for her children, refusing to be comforted for her children, because they are no more.”

Jeremiah 31:15

“Now the chief priests, the elders, and all the council sought false testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none. Even though many false witnesses came forward, they found none. But at last two false witnesses came forward and said, “This fellow said 'I am able to destroy the temple of God and to build it in three days.' And the high priest arose and said to Him, 'Do you answer nothing? What is it that these men testify against you?'

But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest answered and said to Him, 'I adjure You by the living God that You tell us if You are the Christ the Son of God.'

Jesus said to him, “It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven.'

Then the high priest tore his clothes, saying 'He has spoken blasphemy! What farther need do we have of witnesses? Look now you have heard His blasphemy! What do you think?' They answered and said, 'He is deserving of death.' Then they spat in His face and beat Him; and others struck Him with the palms of their hands, saying 'Prophesy to us, Christ! Who is the one who struck You?'

Matt 26

“Then Judas, His betrayer, seeing that He had been condemned was remorseful and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders saying, 'I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.'”....

“Pilate said to them, 'What then shall I do with Jesus who is called Christ?' They all said to him, “Let Him be crucified!' Then the governor said, 'Why, what evil has He done?' But they cried out all the more saying, 'Let Him be crucified!'

When Pilate saw that he could not prevail at all, but rather that a tumult was rising, he took water and washed his hands before the multitude saying, 'I am innocent of the blood of this just Person. You see to it.' And the people answered and said, 'His blood be on us and on our children.'”.....

And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split, and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many. Now when the centurion and those with him saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they feared greatly, saying 'Truly this was the Son of God!'

Matt 27

“Then Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'”

Luke 23

“So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, 'It is finished.' And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.”

John 19

Vinegar (, ozos) = 400 = Tav ()

Btown wid da Provi and Haven

Yo.

Ya miss me?

Well...... I'm back! Shadazzle badazzle.

Heh. You prollie were clicking on your bookmarked slot of me, impatiently awaiting news. From me. :) Of course, of course. I don't want to disappoint you either. So in brief:

Boston was wonderful.

I walked the Freedom Trail. I crossed over the Charles river. I went through Boston's own China town, and Lil Italy. (ITALIANS!!!!) The buildings are wondeful. I walked the millionaire strip on Common Wealth Street. The houses were connected. I mean, not one single side yard. Ya think rich peeps could afford a lil green...?

The people? Like, oh my goodness. At first, I swear everyone was yelling at me, and angry about somethin. I was terrified of the bus drivers. But then, I realized, it was their charm. Tough love, really. And it is quite appealing. Genuine. And the Italians were just as they were when I last left them. Oh, so charming. It makes me proud to own 1/16^th of their blood. Errr. My blood. Friendly, and blunt. I remember when Mom and i were visiting Imran at MIT when a older gentlemen who only spoke Italian, offered us all lemonade –free—from his store. And we tried to sepak with him, but we all just laughed at each other and made gestures. It was very cute.

Amy, my roomie, and I were walking down the street to buy ice cream, and we got honked at. And on our way back we got whisteled at.....Hmmmm....I think it was cuz I was wearing my red jumpers, and my flaming red wooler coat. I looked like a Communist. ;)

Nah, it was really cuz I'm drop dead gorgeous. Of course.

Oh, did I mention what the blazzins we were doing in Boston? Yes, well. We, were visiting grad schools (med schools). Our first stop was Yale. I was lookin so forward to it, and was quite disappointed. But Havad! Havad was great, and Brown was best of all! I got to interrogate professors, doctors, etc, in public health depts. And med schools. Yes. Indeed. But Yale is in new Haven, and Brown in Providence. So I actually was in 3 states in the course of 3 days.

A NOTE to my fans (i miss you all!):

• Smars: So yes, was in Btown. Got pictures. Must get developed, no digital, sorrs.

• Sooms: I can't wait to spend our last term togethe! We need to patie it up yo! (if you're wondering where all the “r's “ are, well, ,Boston took them away from me)

• Rashi and Edaeni: Ladies, well, things didn't work out, cuz i didn't have internet access till now, and well, didn't get your number till now...you at home now, ,though? look forward to hearing about your adventures in NYC

• Erica: I'm glad you enjoyed my last post. You are such a light too, i read your posts as well..:) See you soon!

• My lover who is secretly in love with me, and who reads my posts all the time, waiting to hear from me, but who hasn't revealed his true feelings: Ahhhh.....Someday. Someday....But it better be soon.I got 10 men waiting outside my door, all asking for my hand in marrige. So be quick with it. ;)

Okay. SO theres more. And perhaps I shall indulge in this writing again, ,but not till I hit the campus again. Unless I find myself a bit bored. Oh, My comps have been scheudled for the 22, I think. April 22^nd. Is that enuf time, or is that too much time? I'm asking myself this as I write. Hmmmmm......But pictures are forthcoming. Boston, end of term, etc.

lub a dub dub. Thump thump.

Winter Bliss

Last year, during winter finals, Imran and I chuckled away at the thought of up and leaving Carleton. We thought we'd make the headlines, with that, “Two Babars Leave Carleton College Without as Much As a Goodbye”. Heh. The dude was insane; I mean he did his comps in like two weeks, while trucking it all over the US, flirting with grad schools. And during finals, he didn't get any sleep. He was like the stinkin energizer bunny, wearing the same army pants for weeks, only changing into a suit when he had his interviews. That would have been funny i fhe had kept his cave man beard, and worn those pants to Harvard. He actually threatened to do this.

This year; I followed the Babar routine by waiting to the last minute to write comps, and man was it fun! I mean, going to bed at 3 or 4 in da morning for almost 2 weeks straight really gets ya high! Seriously, i'm either terrible to be around when i don't get my precious 7 hours, or incredibly loonie. If you had seen me at these hours you would have thought I was smokin somethin, or tipsy. But I don't smoke. And I don't drink. But you think us Babars would have our priorities straight, I mean, you have to pass comps to graduate...What's wrong with us?

And my advisor, bless her sweet soul, criticized my intro, saying I was too dramatic...TOO dramatic?!?!?! man, it was the only place i felt i could spice things up a bit. Bio writing is dreadfully drab. Dude, my comps was on the BLACK DEATH. You got to be dramatic!!!! and i din't change the intro either, after i had handed in my draft and got her feedback. I hope she isn't angry. Oh well. She only has the power to fail me.

Finals last term, rather, three to five, or some odd days ago, I had the most bizarre time: I had to write ONE paper with 5 whole stinkin days to do it!!!! i mean, i was goin nuts! Never had it that easy, usually i'm so fried, i can't speak. Now you can't shut me up. Last term, i had to make up for 5 weeks of not reading anythin for my biochem class 3 days before the test, not having thought of a thesis for my Arab-Israeli class till I sat in front of a computer screen three days before it was due (shoot, for the life of me, i can't recall what the heck my thesis for that paper was? Come on neurons, keep up with my fingers..i do recall writing about coon trappn in it, though, ask me later), and i think i had a test for that class too. Dude, anywho, i crammed so many biochem proteins, functions, cycles in my brain in such a short time, i deserve a purple medal. Unfurtionally, don't recall what LDH was....i feel like i should know.

Today was bliss, too.

I woke up at 11 am, stumbled out of bed, ate scrumptious breakfast, ,watched two movies in a row, still in pjs, didn't comb my hair the whole day, READ a book for fun, ate cake, ate turkey, googled, sigh....ah, such a good feeling, this whole break biz. And on Saturday, I get to go to Boston!! again! So cool. Last time, I visited snarms at MIT, but I didn't get time to chill...Well, i'm not chillin really, just visitn grad schools.....yep.

AND Rashi and Edaeni, you are prollie having a blast in NY, so cool. Lil Italy!?!?!? i want to come! And shop....i feel like i want to but a neon green shirt, or pants, or hat, or socks....ah, shopping!

Wow this is a long entry. Ah, my beloved committed fan, you made it all the way through.

But we aint done yet.

Sum of this term:

• Me and Mike (Mike who, you ask?) are going to get engaged if he doesn't get in to med school and i don't get in to grad school. (heh heh, Mike, you poor sucker!! he had no idea of this, of course..)

• I asked Leslie one day: “Leslie, how do you sleep at night with all those rocks on your shoulders?” i believe i could sell that pick up line...i'm going to get it patented (is that the right word?)

• i took out sugar plums car battery, and walked it downtown to get it charged and thawed with Rashi

• imran's saturn (restiing in my care) was towed and ticketed...i learned that the police aren't in the police department on Saturdays in Northfield...they are “on call”. But anywho, i go out to start up the car, and notice its gone....”AH!!!” i said to myself. (you guys all recall my silly paranoia about waking up one day, to walk out where i parked my car, to discover it having been stolen? I have this feeling every time i forget where i parked it)anywho, i call the police dept, realizing that it must have been towed, , cuz people in northfeild dont' know how to steal cars (unlike Willow Riverans). And the dude on the phone goes, “well, mam, we don't seem to have towed your car”. I was like, “dude, you betta have my car!!!” my lil big heart pumped like 10 gallons in that one minute while he kept searching, and he did find it. I was so thankful, i woke up Eric.poor Eric, I'm sorry, ,i know it was Saturday, but THANK you so very much for driving me all around town trying to get Saturn back, and for that one time you were such a gentleman and helped me with suga plums battery in the snow on your way to class.

• i worked out

• i sang

• i got the giggles during a presentation I was giving, when i noticed someone casually conked out while one of my partners was talking about personal law

• i decided i really like John, my oncogenes prof, whose wife can cook a mean salmon...speaking of John, so me and Joe and Lincoln thought it would be funny if I, while explainin the meaning of a figure in a cancer paper, actually explained it wrong, to see if anyone was payin attention....so, we got John in on this, ,telling him not to say anything—cuz of course, he listens and critiques us.....so, while explaining the figure on cancer cells, i slip in 'SPH transfected neurons', and precede to explain the exact opposite of what the graph meant—even saying, “as you can see, the slope goes up (when it went down)thus proving their theory wrong (when it was right)...and John gasps, “neurons!!!” so he ruined it. And he had totally forgotten our deal we had conspired two minutes before. And then i couldn't stop laffin, so it really blew the cover. Silly biochem profs, who write textbooks...

• i'm going to bed now. I'll continue this lovely entry tomorrow. Or not. We'll see.

Raindrops

IT was one of the cutest things I've heard.
I was walking out of a building.
I smiled at this stranger, and he walked by, then walked back, and said,
"honey, if I were rich, I'd sweep you off your feet." I was a bit shocked, all I could do was smile back; if I could blush, I would have been blushing.
Okay, okay. It sounds cheesy. But he was genuine. I mean, he seemed genuine.
I don't think I'll ever forget that one. Just another memory, that's all.

On another note. I am trying to reflect on another term finished. It is 2 am, and the sun has set on my winter. I have turned in my comps, I have one final paper to punch out, and then I'm done. 5 whole days to write a paper!!!!! I hope I will use my time wisely. We'll see. I'm trying to figure out where this day will bring me.

What then, will I see it again? Oh time, you are such an enemy of mine!

sheepies
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run snarmi run!
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azra baji's wedding
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my backyard in the summer
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american born confused pakistani cherokee mohawk french bengali italian swede
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sunshine
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time eclipse
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Wings to Fly

"time on wings will take its flight, and leave our dreams transcending."

Here it is folks. It seems I have nothing but reminescence to offer. There I was, this young, innocent creature, ready to start something big. There's even something gleaming in my eyes. Mischief, laughter, and excitement.
(explanation: its a photo id taken on my first day at carleton--as a froshling)

I broke my id card, and had to go get a new one. and then i had to get a new picture. Yep. its like a before and after shot. i wish i could show you the change. my eyes are tired, have lost their excitement. is it just because its winter? sigh.

what have these four years done to me?

SOREN in the sky, like a diamond

This entry is dedicated to my brilliant buddy Soren, who is going to give me one of his acceptance letters to grad school, preferably Harvard, and allow me to compose a refusal of acceptance letter, in order to open up a spot for yours truly. Soren, my soaring diamond, let me extend my sincere apologies for not gracing you with my companionship to the hockey game. I had a hot date with Yersinia. But, I have broken up with Yersinia, Yersinia smells like Rattus rattus. I have pleaded with Yersinia to mutate and become independent of Rattus rattus, and, alas, I know now where Yersinia's truest affections lie. Xenopsylla cheopis and Rattus rattus have stolen Yersinia from me forever. I have now secretly alligned with Anti-envelope antibodies (F1), and together we will opsonize India, allowing Mr. Macrophage to phagocytosis Yersinia.

To be continued......

clarifications

okay, due to popular opinion, i should prollie clarify.

the last entry, tide is turning......
there are three sections. the first and last section are related, the middle has nothing to do with either of these. the middle section: the girl is not me, nor is the other guy involved with the girl. and the girl is not you.

the last section is a dream. the rest is real.

Tides are Turning....

I hear the sound of a wave of salty ocean spray and it is about to splash itself upon me.

I'm not sure if I can let go of my fear. Should I run?

Dear God, do not let my friend disappear within herself. Open the door for her, and call her in. Oh God, her life is so precious. When she hurts, it kills me. I can still see him, with a gun, his eyes glazed over with loss of life. I prayed God that you would stop him, I prayed with all my heart. For God, it was only You who could do this, I could do nothing. You were there where ever his feet took him, and I knew I could not be with him always--like You-- I could only pray. How I hated those who broke him to this point. But You, oh God, You have always proved Your faithfullness. And now, she is fighting. I am helpless to soothe her pain. God, take her heart and heal her wounds. Save her too, from those that would take from her the Joy which she deserves.

We are in this place together not by accident. I have met you for a reason.

I remember. We were sitting on this park bench, the sounds of children playing, and we looked out towards the setting sun. And I turned to you, and asked you where it went when it set, and you smiled. Our house was made of bricks, and red roses surrounded it. The sounds of ocean were no longer feared. I have dreamt of this.

MidWinterBall
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My friend Smars (Samara)

If you--as my devoted tigerlily7 fan--happened to look at my entry on Joy, you might have noticed a lack of love...er...rather, any mention of V-day. Hmmmmm....I do have some thoughts. really. I do. but for now, in the interest of saving time, go visit Smars' blog...she's my dear friend. i don't know how this works, but lets' see if i can dot he HTML thing http://orwhathaveyou.blogspot.com/

Joy

"Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy. A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for jot that a human being has been born into the world. Therefore, you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you. And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. Until now, you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full..."~John 16:20-24

I have no idea why, but I was having a dreadful day on Sunday. I was not looking forward to Monday, and I was behind on comps. BUT then, I talked to my younger brother, Hammad--and he made my day worth it. I decided that no matter what happened on Monday, I would have that joy from talking with him. AND then, I got some...sigh...bad news...the next day....Okay, so I got rejected from U of Pitts. It ALMOST ruined my day. I was seriuosly on the verge of tears in class (actually, they were brimmin full). Ha, it was funny, because in class we were talking about desire, and relationships, and I was desparately trying not to cry (i had read the reject letter like right before class) so if someone saw me, they would have thought I was crying about the discussion! heh. On a side note, I was quite disappointed--to say the least--about our conclusion in class--that love doesn't overcome certain things. Baloney squaggle! let me tell you about what Paul says to the Corinthians! I may be naive, a bit too much of a romantic, but LOVE does conquer! I must believe this, I owe it to my mother. Anyway, so I was upset, right, and I moped around all day....Took this pity nap, and then, ANOTHER blessing---I got to talk to both Abdullah and Omaimah! my younger sibs who i haven't talked to in.....too long! I miss them so much. OH I wish I could see them! they've grown up, and are doing awesome things. such smart sibs i have. i know Paul would rebuke me, but I am SO proud of my brothers and sisters!

Okay, so, it doesn't end there.
Worship was great that night, but the next day, that would be today, IMRAN called!! total excitement! Imran, I miss you sooooooo much, you have no idea.....thank you for your prayers. and i am praying for you.

Then i get this other phone call about a job offer....YES. indeed, if I accept, which I haven't yet, I will be teaching both an Infectious Diseases course and Pre-Medical course either at Wellesley or Yale this summer!!!! Totally awesome.
So the take home message: I was quite sad for a moment--in much despair--and it was over just like that. This Saturday, I had prayed for encouragement, and I received it. God is so good to me!

I just got back from this induction ceremony....sigma xi....and i am so stuffed on cheese cake. anyway, so i'm gonna go back to my draft writing.....bleh, me want to watch a movie....:)

edit edit

I do love my friends! You are all such a comfort and a blessing to me! Cheryl—you are amazing, and you bless me with your kind words. Edaeni, you always encourage me to think differently, and I gain so much from your insights. Rashi—we share so much, our struggles (shyness!), our lows and highs. Smars—your strength and humor, and directness. Nakina—your beauty, and persistence, and determination. Kilang and Priyanka—your dedication, your leadership, your boldness, your kindness. Leslie—your forgiveness, and strength. Josh—your hugs, your voice. Tyler—your tickles and cookies! Sooms—your songs, and passion. Oh, and I could go on.
You bring me back to goodness. There is so much of it in you.

And, with that, I need to do some study on goodness. It is my topic this week. Teaching on goodness. Come to sola script!

FASHION show! (heh, i stole your picture Rashi!!!!) Nakina, Samara, Edaeni, Me, Rashika
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Flying elephants

my head is awfully big. and i'm not photogenic.

I used to wear flip flops in the winter. When it was below zero. I was a frosh, what can I say?
Yep.

I used to hate brocoli. Bleh to lemon juice yummy!

Cows terrified me. Mooh.

And my intro bio prof scared the livin daylights outta me. "energetics of what?"
I thought I'd share an email dialogue I once had...Or two.....This would be from my freshmen year. Heh. Good times.

to: rossow55@

"my roomate actually was gonna set me up with this dude named ****- who is a complete drunk, he's really cool, but he's a drunk nonetheless---and i threw a fit! then i started thinkin about what we were talkin about, i thought he could be a good subject to study!! jus kiddin. needless to say, she didn't set me up with him, and i'm in the dark as to who i'm with."
(screw your roomate...)

to: babara@carleton.edu
from: rossow55@
"If you expect me to write as much as you did you can forget about it you dork. The meaning of life? sex, drugs, and rock'n roll. Well maybe not so much. I think you should go after that drunk guy "****". He sounds kind of drunk. I'm sure that you two will be perfect for each other. you should go after drunk ****"

here is my drinking essay:
After closely observing many different kinds of subjects i have foung that drinking may be some sort of vaccine for cancer. since none of the subjects drinking have ever had cancer nor seem likely to get cancer in the next few days, i have concluded that a person should drink excessively if they don't want to get cancer. furthermore, if a drunk person(****) wants to get jiggy with you then you should go for it because even if you don't drink then....."

to: rossow55
"Yes, I know that beer cures cancer, i discovered that decades ago--where ya been man?
tomorrow is da big day, with ****, i mean,,,,actually i'm completely confident that this date- with whoever-will be a complete flop! i'm in a pessemistic mood....grrr! i hear someone bangin on my door"

to: babara
"hey amenah do you know anything interesting? i do but i'm not going to tell you because i don't trust you because you .... i .... too-i just changed my religion. what have you been up to at cool carleton college. do you have any friends? how was thanksgiving-did you give thanks that you know a cool person like me. when am i suppose to come visit you. i'm real interested in meeting all those weird carleton kids-you fit there perfect. so would I. i don't have much interesting to say so i might as well just ramble. well i have to go eat and go to class so i will ramble on later tonight"

NEXT dialogue:
from: a high school teacher
Hola Mariela!

I've got some hot gossip I thought you might like to hear...Willow River is eliminating 5 teachers next year, yours truly included. Apparently there isn't as much money as Mr. **** told everyone, and the administration has decided to make some cuts. The Spanish program is finished. There are rumors that it may be available ITV, but you know how effective that will be. I thought you might be interested to know, but I'm also hoping that you might be willing to write the administration and tell them your view. They need to know that a real teacher in the classroom is more effective than a television, and while I can scream it at the top of my lungs, the more people I can get to tell them the same thing, the more hope I have of them actually paying attention.

MY LETTER TO THE SCHOOL BOARD:
Amenah A. Babar
300 North College Street
Northfield, MN 55057
(507) 646-4890

April 8, 2002

Dear Willow River School Board, Teachers, Educators, Parents, and to Whomever Else it Concerns:

I was recently informed that you are eliminating the Spanish program from your academic curriculum, as well as laying off several of your teachers. As a former graduate of Willow River and a freshman at Carleton College, I was appalled. I strongly suggest you to reconsider your decisions on these important matters.

First of all, Language, Science, Math, and History should be priorities in all schools. By cutting financial support towards these areas, you are not only cutting your children's education, but you are also giving them the message that these areas are not important. If you continue to conveniently cut your language teachers every time you have financial difficulties, you are sending out a clear message to your students, "It is not important to learn another's language. We only need to know our own." In doing this, you will also need to take the responsibility of the fact that you have not adequately prepared your students for a multi-cultural world and society. In a small, predominantly white society like Willow River, it is extremely hard to learn about other cultures and languages. The majority of the students at Willow River have no opportunities to diversify their education other than by taking a language course. If your students do not know about cultures other than their own, how will they be able to understand another person coming from a different society?

Secondly, your solution of replacing a teacher by a television, to put it bluntly, is ridiculous. I took my first Spanish course over ITV, along with two years of Calculus, so I feel I am more than qualified to talk about this subject matter. I appreciated my teachers over ITV, but to be honest, I think I learned about a quarter's worth of education from both of them during one year. I am in no way questioning the integrity of my teachers, but rather I am questioning the actual use of a television to teach a student. Since I'm almost positive that most of you have watched T.V. at some point in your lives, I don't think it's a stretch for you to try and imagine what its like sitting in a room with a teacher in box, talking in another language. Then picture with me students falling asleep, students cheating on exams, students talking to each other about their social lives while the teacher can't even hear them, students drawing and doing other homework, students leaving the room, and I think you get the picture. These things and more happened during my Spanish ITV course. When **** came to Willow River for my second year of Spanish, we were not only not prepared, but we were still pretty much at a first year level.

Lastly, I think it's a shame that every time this school district gets an excellent teacher, or an excellent administrator, this school district finds some way of getting rid of that person. ***** was the teacher I learned the most from in my senior year. She not only took time to teach Miss ***** and I about the Spanish language, but she involved us in cultural activities that enabled us to understand the history of Spanish people as well as their current ways of life. She challenged us to start thinking in Spanish, to read in Spanish, to speak in Spanish, and to talk in Spanish. Even though I dreaded the days we were only allowed to communicate in Spanish, I appreciate them so much now, when my Spanish teacher at Carleton College will only speak in Spanish. ****was not only my teacher then, but was and is my friend now. She continues to keep in touch with me over e-mail, and encourages me to ask questions about Spanish as I struggle with it here at Carleton. **** gives of herself not only in school activities, but gave up her personal time and money to spend with the Spanish Club members. I think you are making a big mistake by allowing her to even get an inch out of your sight. You will regret this decision big time.

.... When I mention ITV to them, they look at me blankly. When I explain it to them, their response is, "That sounds really cool, but only if you don't want to learn." And that sums it up. If you really don't want your students to learn, go ahead. Continue to regress in education while spending millions of dollars on sports. But be prepared to discover that your students will be ten years behind all other schools and will have to struggle twice as hard to keep up with the mainstream.

Sincerely,

Amenah A. Babar

rossow's response:
amenah there are plenty of errors in your argument. first of all millions of dollars are not spent on sports. you make it sound like extracirricular activites are worthless also. this is a very important educational tool-its life man. the students weren't forced huh? those teachers put peer and power pressure on them to make it to that meeting. they were forced or be ridiculed. history a priority? if you would have read ******'s letter you would have read that cuts are also necessary to put a larger effort in math and sciencedon't think the school thinks these two subjects are worthless. ***** is not a good teacher. she might have been good to you and ***** and some of us spnaish II's but she was horrible with the younger crowd. getting rid of her doesn't mean ITV it might mean a better spanish teacher. a person who hates kids like *****shouldn't teach i.e. *****. stop saying we are getting rid of them for financial difficulties. they suck and if their tenured we have to live with them. teachers will not be in fear of coming to willow. there are plenty of good teachers out there. someone awhile back just couldn't tell a good teacher from a moron. amenah you can't think with your emotions. if they get ITV i think that would be bad too. i am still scared of ****.


my letter was then read at the meeting, with the WHOLE town listening.

I am soooooo ashamed!!!
but i got a standing ovation. yep.
i was a complete dork.